The greatest male / female debate in the history of…modern plumbing
July 7, 2008 · Print This Article
Welcome to yet another he said / she said. Yes…I know it isn’t the day for that, but you know what? It’s my birthday so we are doing what I wants today, m’ kay? And I want to talk about the greatest conflict that exists in male / female relationships to this day. Yes folks, todays topic is:
Should the toilet seat be left up…or down?
He said:
It makes absolutely no sense to put the toilet seat back down after you do your business. We males even have an evolutionary excuse as to why we prefer to leave the seat up… you see when we were young we were yelled at repeatedly for leaving the seat down and peeing…so now as adults we instictually leave it up so as to avoid humiliation or shame in relation to our startling innaccuracy near porcelain.
Many women will claim that leaving the seat up puts them at risk of being victim to a little ass in the toilet water action. This defense is a no-go… a lazy attempt to defy progress and logic. You see… the average american ass is far too girthy to ever go seat first into the mouth of the redneck river.
Leaving the seat up will lead to less accidents… and honestly…leaving it up will just give your bathroom a little more charm and character…it’s fresh, funky fresh even. Leaving the toilet seat down makes about as much sense as a Dr. Phil rerun in portugese… be proud be an american …stand along side your toilet seat as brothers and say… “side by side we stand now, brothers”…but don’t expect a reply…toilets are notoriously closed off.
She said:
I want to stay faithful to my girls, truly I do…but you know what? I can’t do it. And while yes, it is partially because I consumed mass quantities of wine prior to typing this out, that’s not the only reason. Ladies…it’s time to get real…so here is my 100 percent honest opinion on this heated issue:
I really don’t think this is worth the fight.
I mean, really. Men and women have gone to battle over this (non) issue for decades, and for what? While yes, ’tis true that I would rather not park my ass in toilet water in the wee hours of the morning, it’s not that difficult to take that extra step and FLIP THE SEAT DOWN myself. Much like it is not that difficult to remember to open the door before we attempt to step through it, we can easily remember to flip a lid down before we low ourselves onto the throne, no? Besides, it clears up what is a bigger issue in my opinion:
The pee pee on the seat issue.
Ladies, is there anything worse?? I think I speak for women everywhere when I say that there is nothing more uncomfortable in this world than parking your butt is a puddle of room temperature man-whiz in the middle of the night. Or at any time of day for that matter. And we all know that they (the mens) are the lesser sex. So have a heart, girls. Lets make today the day that we accept their short comings and let them leave that seat up; if for nothing else, do it for the sake of dryer, happier girl-tush everywhere.
Now if we could only get them to stop peeing on the floor AROUND the bowl…
Hi kids! Do you miss me lots and lots yet? This is the very last absentee blog I am going to post, I assure you… at least for awhile. But today is my birthday, and the last true day of my vacation. I am saying goodbye to the Lone Star state and heading back to California shortly. But I wanted to drop in and give you all my love and deepest appreciation for your continued support during my hiatus. you all rule. Now go leave a comment. Cuz it’s my birthday. And you love me. And stuff.
On 07/7/08 at 3:13 am
Meghan said:
Yay for Birthdays and wine!
I gotta tell ya - I’ve managed to get this far in life, I have eyes, brains and opposable thumbs. I am completely capable of putting the seat down if it is up. Who am I kidding - I usually use my feet for that depending on the toilet…
BUT! I will add I think common courtesy should be extended DEPENDING on the toilet in question. If we live together, it’s your place, we’re at your friends, I could care less. If its up, its up. I do think a man who walks into an ALL chick toilet - i.e. - me and I have 2 female roommates, should be wise enough to put it back where he found it. If you don’t, I’m not going to stage a protest, I just might bring it up later.
On 07/7/08 at 6:27 am
Trista said:
agreed. I suppose I don’t think that way because I live with all males. Being outnumbered, I accept the seat up, and even prefer it over sitting in the wee wee.
On 07/12/08 at 9:17 am
~Lori~ said:
I get this one, in my home the ex was outnumbered by females, 3 to one, not including the pets. So needless to say, he ended up having to accept it, especially when you little girl falls in during the middle of the nite ;p He would slip up every so often and usually catch heck about it.
On 07/7/08 at 5:49 am
Cassie said:
HAPPY BIRFDAY!
This is not something I have to worry about. It never bothered me to have to flip the toilet seat down, and yes, I’d rather do that than sit in piss!! I think this small thing should just be conceded!!!!
Hope the vacation was a good one!!!
On 07/7/08 at 6:29 am
Trista said:
thank you, its been great.
.
and just say no to seat-whiz!!
On 07/7/08 at 7:05 am
Karri said:
HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Now, get your ass home.
.
I so wish I’d taken a picture of the high-tech, no seat toilet I encountered this weekend. Problem solved.
On 07/7/08 at 7:33 am
Carol said:
*cough* Call a girl in Tennessee, won’t ya? I.Need.Details!
On 07/7/08 at 7:20 am
El Supremo said:
The females of the species have but two causes for not being able to figure out a toilet seat on which to rely - laziness or outright stupidity. Scientists are divided on which of the two is culprit, though studies are ongoing.
Happy.
On 07/7/08 at 7:32 am
Carol said:
Happy Birthday…you most missed, most wonderful female goddess of the pursuit of orgasms!
As for the toilet, I hear you on having two boys and a different environment to teach the lesson of acceptance. Me, I have to clean more pee off the bottom of the seat (thank heavens for Chlorox wipes) because apparently my Little Man MUST hit the seat to be “successful.” That being said, my daughter (thru NO training of my own…) has made it abundantly clear that leaving the seat up is NOT acceptable.
Me, huh…go figure. I agree with you. NOT worth arguing over, in the least. But, I do think that you leave things as you found them. And, if my seat was down, return it that way, please. Not for me, really. But save me the crazy antics of a Sass Monkey who will tell you outright that her ass WILL fit through the toilet. Okay, she won’t say “ass” (well, sometimes, she is five!) but she will verbally bruise anyone who does not show basic manners.
On 07/7/08 at 7:51 am
Jime said:
Wow…rebound peeing, huh? At least he’ll have a few essential basketball concepts down when he’s old enough to play.
On 07/7/08 at 8:05 am
Carol said:
LOL…he will be about 6 foot 7 inches, according to the doc. He very well could play basketball!
On 07/7/08 at 7:45 am
LOTNorm said:
I could really care less about women “falling in” or men having to lift the seat. The reason I put the lid down is purely germophobia. I’m far from a germophobe, but even I know shitting in a bowl and leaving it open just doesn’t make sense. Same reason I close the lid before flushing. The toilet is like a germ volcano and even though my toothbrush is in a closed container, I still don’t want a layer of microscopic fecal matter on everything.
On 07/7/08 at 8:01 am
Jime said:
Being able to pee upright is a great thing for public places. Like the gym (where piss is everywhere and so you try to position your feet in a place that looks least drenched.) But for me, at home I’ve learned to pee sitting down. This doesn’t work in public urinals cause they have different bowl sizes and perhaps nothing is worse than getting your cockhead wet in public toilet bowl water. Serious. But at home the bowl is big enough and peeing sitting down is better for a variety of reasons.
.
First, leaving the toilet seat up is never an issue. Second, you don’t have to worry about “splash damage”. You know? When peeing from a height, even if you are accurate you’ll get some splash damage. It’s pretty gross to think about actually. I don’t care about it in public restrooms cause somebody else has to clean it up. But at home–I have to clean it.
.
So, uh…too much information?
On 07/7/08 at 8:06 am
Carol said:
<—cleans the splash damage. In another year or so, I’m making him clean it up himself. It will be part of his allowance for “chores”!
On 07/7/08 at 8:16 am
Jime said:
Hehe sorry to hear that, Carol. To be totally honest I never thought about splash damage till I lived on my own and had to start cleaning it up. Even then it took me a while to put two and two together. I was like, “Why the fuck is it always so damned dirty over here? Guess it’s time to go buy more Windex and Lysol Disinfecting Wipes!” Lol. Your man probably doesn’t even know about splash damage. Prolly never will unless he has to clean it up himself.
On 07/7/08 at 8:55 am
bryan said:
Not sure why some women get all excited about the toilet seat debate. One of the two parties has to “do” something in order to go to the bathroom. if it is down, i have to put it up. is that fair to me? if it is up, she has to put it down. It doesn’t equate if as a man I always have to make sure the seat is down. I could just as easily demand that she put the seat up when she is finished. There is no winner unless you both just decided to say we don’t give a fuck. Because really I don’t give a fuck until some chick gets in my face about it. Then i give a fuck and it isn’t a pleasant one.
On 07/7/08 at 9:29 am
Phoenix said:
I just make my men pee outside. Problem solved!
(Happy Birthday T! Oh, and I should be in your neck of the woods around August 21/22.)
On 07/7/08 at 12:04 pm
Jime said:
Plus: great fertilizer!
On 07/7/08 at 9:43 am
Sarahh said:
Happy Pee Free Birthday!!!! Hahahaha…
I agree with the she-says. I would rather put the seat down myself than sit in or have to clean up someone elses urine.
I mean EWWWWWWW!!!!!
I want the toilet seat I saw at the Hard Rock Seminole last month.
You hit a button and the toilet seat wrapper spins around to give you a new toilet seat of cleanness!
This is assuming it just doesn’t go in one circle giving us the illusion of cleanliness..
Ew.
On 07/7/08 at 10:41 am
Charles Albert Green said:
happy b-day! I’m just dropping by for well wishes! My nephew is leaving on saturday so next week I’ll have time to read again.
On 07/7/08 at 11:55 am
Karl Rove said:
Happy Birthday, Trista!
By the way, I put the seat down. Yes, I am living proof that chivalry is not dead.
On 07/7/08 at 4:04 pm
Vic said:
Trista just told me she’s off to get “schnoggered.” I hope, for her birthday, she winds up getting schtupped, too. And that we get pictures.
.
.
As for the seat, come the fuck on. I can understand the shock of cold porcelain on a bare ass at 3:00 in the morning, but if I can make it a part of my habit to put the damned thing up every time I piss, you can make it a habit of putting it down every time you do.
.
.
BTW, I never piss on the seat. It’s the little one that does it. I have no idea how he gets sprinkles on our bathroom seat, however, but I swear to God it’s him.
On 07/7/08 at 7:29 pm
Missygail said:
As the mother of a 6 year old son, I would flip a hundred seats down before hand if only my son could aim a bit better.
.
I’m scrubbing down the bathroom floor and the wall around the toilet with bleach to disinfect his aiming challenges.
On 07/9/08 at 1:49 pm
Garg the Unzola said:
My sister and I shared a bathroom. She kept yelling at me for leaving the seat up. I just decided that the constant nagging is really not worth it. One day, she came to me all ponies and rainbows thanking me for leaving the seat down.
Little did she know I started going in her basin.
On 07/9/08 at 3:17 pm
Chris said:
In my 40 years, I have never, not one single, solitary time, sat down on the bowl… even in the wee hours of the morning, with too much blood in my alcohol and doing a good impersonation of the 50,000 screaming heads in the Shel Silverstein song about Pearly Sweetcakes and the Calistoga Kid.
.
Is it because I know how to work the seat? Maybe. Is it because I grew up putting not just the seat, but the LID down, EVERY TIME? That’s probably a contributing factor, too.
.
Still. I’m with Trista on this one. Let’s all just respect each other’s quirks. If it’s up, put it down. If it’s down, put it up. We’re all adults. We all know how the damn thing works. It’s not rocket surgery.
On 07/9/08 at 3:19 pm
Chris said:
Oh yeah…
.
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday Dear Trista!
I’m younger than you!
.
Oh, damn. I’m not.