The Magic Poon
October 12, 2008 · Print This Article
Most recently, I was having a casual conversation with a group of men in my office. They were *gasp* gossiping about a certain NFL quarterback on the disabled list for an injury. Turns out, the 4-1-1 down low is that this man is not hurting from physical impairment. Hypothetically, let’s agree his knee is strained. What was funny to me is that his *cough* knee is not hurting as much as his cock. I mean, ego. Apparently, he is totally wigging out over a woman.
From what I learned, said quarterback had finally brought his long term love to the same city after enduring a long distance relationship for more than three years. My guess would be that this move was to migrate the relationship to the next level. What does this million dollar man get in return? Apparently, the pleasure of walking in and seeing his beloved doing the dirty with her drug dealer. Rumor has it she was riding on top of him with great fervor. Oh, joy!
Does it make any sense to you? Is this long term love just using him for his name, influence and ability to fund her drug habit? How, exactly, does one move a thousand miles and so quickly find a new dealer? I guess it would not be hard to do if you are tied to a local celebrity. Then again, perhaps I should kick my cynic to the curb and believe she really, really LOVES him. And her crack. Or something.
Amidst the sports talk, one of the men used the word “poon” to describe the QB’s injury. My forthright reply was, “wow, that must be some magic poon”. Once they retrieved their composure from laughing, we talked at length about the power of a magic poon. I asked several point blank questions. First, had they EVER known the power of a magic poon? I was not surprised to learn that each had known one in their lifetime. I was, however, surprised, to learn each had ONLY known one “magic poon”. There was NOT a second magic poon in any of their histories. It seems the Magic Poon and The Highlander share a trait in common: There can be only one.
Thus, comes the subject (lol…but only once) of the illustrious, magnificent and oh-so-rare Magic Poon. Of course, I naturally felt compelled to learn more. What made it magical? Was it a look, a feeling, a smell, an anomaly? Was it completely shaved (or waxed) with the essence of strawberry and mango? What? Damn it, I wanted to know! Alas, there were no concrete answers, only more questions. It was magic poon, period. Despite my intelligent questions and deliberate attempts to garner more information, I was left with magic poon. The best I could gather, the magic poons are entities to their own, seemingly unrelated to the women who own them. For all I know, every other woman has a poon reminiscent of raspberries or tastes like peaches. All other poons could be sweet and tasty, but they are NOT magical.
Oh, I called other male friends only to inquire as to the magic-ness of any poon in their history. Surely, those who know me well can speak more freely. NOT! Apparently, there seems to be an unspoken zipper on the lips of any male conversation regarding magic poon. It’s as if it’s a secret only known to men, never to be understood by the opposite (dare I suggest fairer) sex. I, for one, really want to know what makes those poons so magical!!! Perhaps the men do not understand, either. There was simply a time in their lives where some undefinable quality about a woman made them impossible to deny.
True to form, several of those male friends turned the question table on me. Have I ever known a magic cock? Well, I will freely admit that I have known a magic man or two in my day. Trust me, they did not taste like strawberries! The bigger factor is that I would not classify them as magical. What I have learned is that magical and wonderful are two totally different things.
Women seem to have a great lover or two in the past. Yes, we do have “that” guy who rocked our ever-loving-worlds and left a standard rarely met. We may even use several men to form the ideal man. If nowhere else, in the sanctity of our our minds. However, men seem to have one woman who rotated their tires in a new direction. It’s not necessarily the woman, or anything about her, it’s all about the magic energy in her panties. This woman owns a magic poon and most of the men who have ever been in or around the vicinity.
I want to learn more. I want to know what makes a poon magical. I want to know why men only seem to embrace one. Why is one enough?
Come on, guys, who was YOUR magic poon…and why? Or, if you have been the Magic Poon, tell us why! Let’s all share a bit of the magic!
On 10/12/08 at 3:04 am
~Lori~ said:
Lmao! You had tears rolling down my face this mornin’ ty! All I could think of was my ex, and well never mind, he had his, and nope it didn’t work very well for him ;p hehehe.
As for women having a “magical cock”, well, not so sure it all about the anatomy on our part, think it is the individual combined with that… and yes, I have one in my past…*sigh*…damn, sorry got caught up in that memory
I think the “magical” part is, that person that is so coveted is not just about sex, it’s a combination, of everyone wanting the same person you want/have, kinda like a trophy, makes you the “WINNER” per say… make sense? Who knows, but doesn’t everyone want to be the winner in this game of life/love? The lucky one? Something to ponder in itself.
Afterthought: Too bad we don’t realize till it’s way too late that the “trophy” gets dusty and tarnished,loses its shine, by then the damage is done. Live and learn.
On 10/12/08 at 1:55 pm
Carol said:
Glad it made you giggle…it had me laughing my ass off for several days after it happened.
I think you are right..and there are similarities to a trophy. LOL…makes me ponder what “place” I would have with a few in my past!
Wonder…not care.
On 10/12/08 at 5:23 am
lisaq said:
*sigh* Yep, there was that one…the one that still makes me shudder when I think about it, that compels me to want to start drunk texting sometimes. But, as Lori pointed out, it was a combination of things with him…not just the incredible sex. Because, let’s face it, incredible sex can become tainted and icky if the man attached to it is an assclown.
Apparently, it’s different for men. The “magic” is somehow disconnected from the woman? Just goes to show that we really are from different planets.
On 10/12/08 at 1:57 pm
Carol said:
I think you hit the nail on the head. The men I talked to all agreed that the magical one was not the prettiest, sexiest, smartest or anything else, in particular. She was just the one they couldn’t give up on, for that undefinable reason.
There is a disconnect, for sure. The magic for me only comes (no pun intended) with pure honesty and trust.
On 10/12/08 at 3:14 pm
Vic said:
Maybe I’m confused… I thought we were just talking about magic, golden, awe-inspiring pussy. I know the difference between the best “lovemaking” and the best fucking bedroom tussle… but of course, they may not be the same thing. Let’s pick a definition or a course of argument before we proceed.
On 10/12/08 at 4:26 pm
Carol said:
LOL..leave it to you to go for the jugular! For me, there is NO magic cock. The only magic comes for me with the deeper trust/honesty. Note: I did not say LOVE, Vic. I don’t have to be in love to have magical and mindnumbing…nor does my partner with me….but the trust and honesty have to be present.
I’m sure once upon a time, I had just fantastical, raw sex without the other connection…but that was long, long ago.
In a land far away.
On 10/13/08 at 4:12 pm
Vic said:
Seattle ain’t that far away, Blondie.
On 10/12/08 at 10:51 am
Meghan said:
Sex and the brain make funny connections sometimes. I wonder about these Holiest of Holies and why men button their lips about sex that was so outstanding they put it on the pedestal.
Perhaps it’s because there simply aren’t enough words. It was an experience, and was wholly (holey..ha) overwhelming to their senses.
I remember amazing sexual moments and it wasn’t some crazy out of control wild pillow throwing porn scene…it was just AWESOME! Nuff Said.
Like when you have a great day and you can’t really put it into words. It was just a fabulous fucking day, hands down.
On 10/12/08 at 1:58 pm
Carol said:
“out of control wild pillow throwing porn scene”.
Uh. Yeah…thanks for THAT visual!
Maybe the men are just shocked someone, anyone, could get under their skin to that degree?
On 10/12/08 at 11:05 am
thehighercritic said:
not true. i have known at least four.
i think “magic poon” is a stalking horse for “soul mate” and equally mythological.
On 10/12/08 at 1:59 pm
Carol said:
Four? Ha! I think you are right about the equally mythological status!!!
On 10/12/08 at 2:20 pm
Cherie said:
magical? lolol…
On 10/12/08 at 4:27 pm
Carol said:
*giggle* magickal!
On 10/12/08 at 3:11 pm
Vic said:
1. Which quarterback is this and why haven’t I heard this gossip?
2. Every woman I’m with has the magic poonanny. If a man ever admits otherwise, he is an idiot and will get rabbit-punched in the back of his head if he admits otherwise… by the woman he’s with and by his male friends. Because they know the fucking score. And dude would deserve it.
3. As for the “magic pole,” I don’t really care if I am or not. As long as those eyes roll back in the head more than twice, does it really matter?
On 10/12/08 at 4:29 pm
Carol said:
<—will not gossip with names attached. Let’s just say it’s hypothetical. I’ll give you more details when I see you and Sarah in two weeks.
I think lying and saying each is magic is bullshit. I’m not saying the sex couldn’t be great with each partner, but the quality I’m talking about is more rare and elusive.
Why insist each partner has been magical…and not expect the same in return? Interesting…
On 10/12/08 at 5:02 pm
Anne said:
Maybe because we all like to feel special and magical?
On 10/13/08 at 5:34 am
Carol said:
Exactly…so why deny the right to feel that way about ourselves?
On 10/13/08 at 4:17 pm
Vic said:
Who said I don’t expect it? BTW, who the fuck are you kidding that you wouldn’t shit a turkey if a lover told you that you were good, but not as good as the pussy from three girlfriends ago… that you may be top ten, but definitely not top 5?
Be real… everyone wants to think their genitals sprout rainbows.
On 10/12/08 at 5:04 pm
wickedcourtni said:
what is the difference between a rabbit punch and a donkey punch?
On 10/13/08 at 5:34 am
Carol said:
I don’t know either…but I’m surprised with Sarah as his love that he doesn’t call it a goat punch! You know the woman loves her goats!
On 10/13/08 at 4:14 pm
Vic said:
Rabbit punches involve a running start and can be from the front or the back.
Donkey punches are from a semi-stationary position (your dude could be thrusting, ya know) and are exclusively to the back of the head.
On 10/12/08 at 3:57 pm
Phoenix said:
I was just discussing something similar last night. About whether or not certain people have a “gift” for sexual abilities in general.
You know, like someone who has a gift for playing football. I mean, it’s not like the average person couldn’t learn some football skills and improve their game, but very few people are making it to the NFL.
So, the question was, could it be like that with sex? That some people are just naturals, and no matter how much practice the average person gets, they can never be as good as a natural, because they don’t have the “gift”.
Lets just postulate that this is true for a moment(because it’s more fun that way). Now, imagine if one of those Golden Pussies met up with a Magic Stick.
Abso-fucking-lutely amazing. Best damn sex ever. Neither one would ever be the same, and certainly would gain a new sympathy for the other side of the equation. But, it’s so rare and so unlikely, that most people never come across any at all, or perhaps just one, per life time.
That’s my theory and I’m stickin to it!
On 10/12/08 at 4:31 pm
Carol said:
Damn…I really like your theory. Postulating is more fun!
I do think some have a natural gift. I also subscribe to the belief that it’s not all physical. The way someone touches you and the depth of the person behind that touch define it…not just the touch, itself.
That’s MY theory and I am sticking to it, as well!
On 10/13/08 at 2:46 pm
Eathan said:
I’ve seen the 2 worlds collide! Words can’t describe it. Usually, black books/boot call lists get burned during those moments
On 10/12/08 at 5:00 pm
wickedcourtni said:
I am my own magical poon.
nuff said.
On 10/12/08 at 7:22 pm
Heather said:
*ahem* i second that motion
On 10/13/08 at 5:35 am
Carol said:
No doubt!
On 10/12/08 at 5:00 pm
Anne said:
Never known a magic cock; never been the magic poon.
At this moment, only because I’m damn dog tired and ready to go to bed; I’m okay with both of those things.
On 10/12/08 at 5:02 pm
wickedcourtni said:
i bet you have a magical poon.
On 10/13/08 at 2:25 am
Anne said:
I’ve been informed that I have an amazing poon but the field research did not include nearly enough test subjects.
…I think I may posess a magic tongue, though.
On 10/13/08 at 5:36 am
Carol said:
LOL…magic is magic….and it’s all good!
On 10/12/08 at 6:56 pm
Cassie said:
magic what????????????
good lord…….I’m gonna have to research this further when I get to work Tuesday.
On 10/13/08 at 5:37 am
Carol said:
Always glad to put you to work. Your magic may be in where…Oklahoma? I always mix up where he moved.
On 10/12/08 at 7:00 pm
Heather said:
After our conversation on this subject matter a week ago I started doing some inquiring on my own…it is an amazing fact that almost every male I know has known at least one “magic” poon in their life…and that every woman I know can name a few “cocks” that would rank in the “can do magic” field but none of them would be considered “magic” (or as they called it “golden plated”) in itself.
Does this mean that we, as the fair sex, require a higher standard, are more likely to designate and critique, or maybe, just maybe we actually rule our hormones with our brains and not the other way around?
On 10/13/08 at 5:40 am
Carol said:
See..that’s what I’m talking about! Who knows. I think part of it is our higher standard. Maybe part is our intellectual acceptance that the magic is in the total connection (above and beyond the purely physical).
I don’t rule my hormones completely. No doubt, one particular man found a way to impact me that deeply. To sit and think of the things I wanted to shared with him, all freaking day….well,that was certainly not me in control!
On 10/13/08 at 7:46 am
pecosa said:
Magic poon, eh? Other than from that 50 cent song, I don’t think I’ve ever heard it described as “magic”.
I can think of one guy that had me dickmatized…still does…but I wouldn’t call it “magic”. It was more like an adicktion.
On 10/13/08 at 8:20 am
Carol said:
I love it….dickmatized! I’ve used a-dick-tion before…but dickmatized is absolutely perfect!
On 10/13/08 at 8:22 am
pecosa said:
Haha, I wish I could take credit for that but I got it from a friend!
On 10/13/08 at 9:22 am
Carol said:
Smart friend. I love made up words. One of my faves is fuckergasted. Like being flabbergasted and thinking “what the fuck”…
On 10/13/08 at 9:23 am
Eathan said:
The Magical Poon lives. Trust me when I say it.. it does live. What makes it magical? There are several things. I guess I need to create a list of what makes it so magical and hypnotic. hmmmmm… the memories
On 10/13/08 at 9:58 am
Carol said:
Hello….I want the list here!!! Come on, Eathan…I need your help!!!
On 10/13/08 at 2:47 pm
Eathan said:
Carol, You have inspired me. I had to link back to ya.
On 10/13/08 at 11:29 am
Melanie said:
I think the magicalest (now I’m just makin’ up words) poon is the poon that’s the hardest to get. The mystery adds to the magic. Unfortunately, my poon’s never been that hard to get. Not too magical. Desirable, yes…magical, not so much.
On 10/13/08 at 12:43 pm
Cathy said:
Oh… you and I are so similar sometimes it’s laughable.
On 10/13/08 at 1:15 pm
Carol said:
I dig magicalest….
I also think you might be onto something with the mystery part. or, the perceived mystery of it. Or maybe even the difficult to get part. I don’t know.
Damn. I have not learned enough!!!
I’m sure Dan would say it’s pure magic…
On 10/13/08 at 12:42 pm
Cathy said:
What I’m wondering though is how many men married their magical poon? My guess is it’s going to be not many.
Sometimes that magic moment has to remain just that… a moment. You try to re-create it and it falls apart. Or worse, held up to the daylight it turns… ordinary.
“Why all I got here is some regular old crackers!”
On 10/13/08 at 1:17 pm
Carol said:
Exactly! And none of these men married their magical one. In fact, I think their wives are completely different in many ways ….
Magic has to fade, doesnt’ it. I mean, it can stay fantastic…but the mystical magicness does seem to even out with reality.
I am really happy you stopped by. Finally!
On 10/13/08 at 1:36 pm
Cathy said:
Oh, I’ve stopped by… I’ve just failed to comment! I hate being faceless and can’t figure out how to put my pic up!
I know magic doesn’t HAVE to fade… sometimes it just does. I had this amazing mind-blowing night with this one person. The next time it was terrible… I gave it another shot because we’d both had quite a bit to drink. The third time was m’eh…
I shoud have handled it like George Costanza… “Thanks… that’s it for me, goodnight!” (i.e. - end on a high note and leave ‘em wanting more!)
On 10/13/08 at 1:04 pm
Eathan said:
@Cathy haha You mean this wasn’t a Ritz? or a Saltine? lol
It would take more than magic poon for me to get married.
On 10/13/08 at 1:18 pm
Carol said:
I think it would take a bajillion times more than magic in any one area!
And yeah, Cathy probably prefers some really tasty crackers to go with her love of Cabernet!
On 10/13/08 at 2:48 pm
Eathan said:
I always provide cheese to go with the crackers. It enhances the flavor.
On 10/13/08 at 1:43 pm
Cathy said:
Yep… stolen directly from Eddie Murphy:
“If you’re starving and somebody throw you a cracker, you gonna be like this: Goddamn, that’s the best cracker I ever ate in my life! That ain’t no regular cracker, was it? What was that, a Saltine? Goddamn, that was delicious. That wasn’t no Saltine. That was… That was a Ritz. That wasn’t a Ritz? God, that was the best cracker I ever ate in my life.”
On 10/13/08 at 1:13 pm
Chez Funk said:
The majic poon:
It’s the one you wanted so much, and would do nearly anything to get. The one that makes the cat run when the two of you are doing it. It’s never been limited to just one for me. I think maybe 3.
m
On 10/13/08 at 1:18 pm
Carol said:
ooh…three is a great number, Mike.
Wanted so much, you’d do nearly anything to get….yep, that about sums it up. But WHAT made it so? I still need/want details.
On 10/13/08 at 8:13 pm
Missygail said:
“The bigger factor is that I would not classify them as magical.”
The use of the BIGGER factor made me laugh.
I’ve had that one guy that I had great sex with, it was a whole day thing with the lead up to great sex at night. I let the guy go due to the fact he wanted to propose after a month of dating….
My last boyfriend was great in bed (had that bigger factor down), but a great lover doesn’t make a great relationship.
On 10/14/08 at 5:59 pm
Lance said:
Excellent. Found this post via Eathan’s blog. This is the type of thing that guys talk about when trapped in a car together during 10 hour road trips.
What makes a poon magical is all of the things that you mentioned (shape, size, fit, taste, smell, etc). I noted that poonani quality is not necessarily related to overall physical attractiveness, although it’s helpful. What is really helpful is being fit and working out, IMO.
Not all poons are created equal!
On 10/16/08 at 10:01 am
Eathan said:
Well said Lance. Not all are equal.
On 10/15/08 at 8:26 pm
Jay said:
I wish I could build a woman like they did on Weird Science…those kids were onto something!
On 11/19/08 at 5:30 am
tim said:
I had a girl with a magic poon. I have often described it to my pals like this:
It had little fairies in it. While in there there was something going on almost other-poonly. (and before you think anything else she was healthy and so was i before and after) I went back to this magic poon maybe 15 times before I finally lost contact with her/it and it always had this quality. I would imagine it kind of like a reverse (female version) automated “french tickler”.