The Mom Squad
August 23, 2008 · Print This Article
I don’t have what some would call a ‘conventional’ job. Yet, as in any job, whether it’s stuck at a cubicle, in a warehouse or driving a bus; there appears to be an ever present sub-culture that seems to go out of their way to make your day miserable. I don’t have to deal with the office suck up, catty secretary pool or even inappropriate water cooler jokes. Which, who are we kidding? I would so be the person telling inappropriate water cooler jokes!
I do have, however, the dreaded clique often referred to as The Mommy Police. I don’t have any children. I tell you this because it’s the first thought that pops into my head the second I choose to open my mouth and judge an actual parent. Being someone that works with children every day, I am keenly aware that when I leave for home at the end of the day the little ones are not held up in a sparkly crystal case until I return. That said, back to being judgmental. Yay!
Any new park or playground I visit, I make an effort to identify them immediately. They aren’t exactly an elusive bunch, or maybe my radar skills have increased over the years. They’re a tight knit group of wealthy, stay at home, neatly and permanently pressed, sweater wearing beasts. You’ll find them parked on the bench farthest away from their children, forcing them to yell and screech their child’s names at a decibel akin to a pterodactyl. They are the dark cloud over a Happy Place.
Oh, yes! The children! You know those richly dressed miserable mopes that are left to their own devices? That’s them. They could all dangle from the monkey bars by one foot as long as there is a gated fence, and they don’t interrupt the Mommies conversation about thread counts. ‘Your snack is in the bag! No, we are not going home, and you are not tired! Run off and find your sister this instant!’ Charming.
I’ve managed to avoid many a confrontation with these Mommy types all over the city. Mostly because I make them think the sun shines out of my ass. Learning how to appease their massive egos has saved me a lot of grief. I say nothing, bite my tongue, and nod my head. I mean really, they’ve been ALL over the city and they still can’t find a decent patio umbrella! Don’t get me started on the lack of proper woodworkers on The Cape…their cabinets at the beach house are practically 10 years old! Oh, the shame!
What saddens me about these women is that they truly do not enjoy their own children. It’s a very fancy form of neglect. Dress them up nice for strangers, and then treat them as such. Children seem to be the tools of their marriages. An excuse to seem terribly busy, even though they had a Baby Nurse, a Night Nurse and a part time underpaid Nanny they treat as a slave.
I’m not necessarily proud of myself for all the tongue biting. I’d really like to scold every last one of them for their bullshit attitude towards those ‘things‘ scampering around at their heels. Until then, I will smile, nod, and dream about a day where I line them all up, and give them one long Three Stooges slap across their perfectly shaped hair-dos.
Welcome to the weekend boys and girls! Is your work week over? Anyone you are looking to avoid come Monday morning? Dear, God! Am I the only one who has been subjected to the Mommy Police?
On 08/23/08 at 4:16 am
Meghan said:
Good Saturday, all! Have you recovered from your work week? I’m curious to know the gritty details!!!
On 08/23/08 at 11:48 am
Sarahh said:
I did get sand in my teeth when we went to watch the waves on Thursday.
Does that count?
On 08/23/08 at 11:51 am
Meghan said:
That’s better than the last place I got sand…I’ll take it!
On 08/23/08 at 2:06 pm
Sarahh said:
Hahahaha…
On 08/23/08 at 5:46 am
Carol said:
No gritty details…I don’t start my “paying” gig until September 2.
I’ve seen and met some of the Mommy Police. Perhaps even worse are those who work and interact in a professional world and never slow down to enjoy their kids. I don’t know that one is “worse”. I just know those kids suffer on both sides of the fence.
You know what gets them to slow down? Let one swoosh in to pick up their kid without saying a word for the hundred and fiftieth time. I will step right in and exclaim to them what WONDERFUL hugs their child gives.
Next time I see that mom, she will invariably slow her ass down to HUG her child, even *gasp* talk to them. I always feel I’ve made a small difference when that kind of thing happens.
On 08/23/08 at 5:51 am
Meghan said:
I’ve had to walk over to the ‘Crack-Berry’ addicted Dad/Mom before and let them know their 5 yr old is climbing a fence sans pants! It’s really quite amazing!
I usually end up with 4 to 6 kids following me and the Bean around at the park because I pay attention to them and talk to them while we all play together. I end up feeling bad when I have to scoop my little ones up and leave.
On 08/23/08 at 5:57 am
Kiki said:
Very funny and totally spot on. I think these Yummy Mummies are like perfectly attired, coiffed and perfumed sharks. I can see Them all at Harvard Mall, gossiping in hushed tones, while their children fall unnoticed off the climbing frame, about how “extortionately expensive” Hispanic nannies are getting (”You know, Veronique, I had ONE girl asking for $10 an hour! Can you imagine! That’s almost as much as we pay our cleaner!!!”). Or how their Precious Firstborn is saying “please” and “thankyou” in six different languages at aged 16 months. Or how their 2.5yr old always asks for sparkling water when out for a meal. Or how their other 2.5yr old can putt a golf ball in a straight line for almost 85 yards. (The last 2 examples are little snippets from MY job!) (and very proud I am of them too LOL)
And I’m not sure you want to know the gritty details of my work week… and it’s not over yet.
A communal scream of frustration would be appreciated though.
On 08/23/08 at 6:06 am
Meghan said:
Arrrggghhh! How was that?
This is no way an attack at the stay at home mother. But dear Lord! <—See, right there! They make me cry out for a higher power and I’m agnostic!
Children are not show pieces. Broaden their minds and encourage their choices. They are not American Girl Dolls you can dress up and shove off. They need kindness and nurturing for Christ Sake! <—Holy Crap! There I go again!
On 08/23/08 at 6:09 am
Kiki said:
Amen.
That’s all I have to say.
If I said anymore I’d need an alcoholic beverage in each hand and it’s not yet noon.
On 08/23/08 at 6:23 am
Meghan said:
It’s noon somewhere! LOL!
On 08/23/08 at 7:49 am
kiki said:
Don’t tempt me. Seriously. Get the damn train up here asap LOL.
On 08/23/08 at 7:56 am
Meghan said:
That’s one place the Mom Squad wouldn’t be caught dead…the OOB!
Seriously, you’ve seen this phenomena. I like to think I treat the kiddos like I would my own, what’s with this popped collar Merrell wearing society? I know they love their children (right?), so why the nonsensical neglectful behavior?
On 08/23/08 at 10:26 am
kiki said:
I think it all stems from pride (the sort that comes before a fall, not the glow you have when your child does something fabulous) and the misconception that kids need to have every gadget, label, fad, etc in order to keep up with the Joneses. Plus every parent is soooooooo afraid of doing something “wrong” that they miss the point. Childhood is about exploring the world under the loving and protective wings of their parents. Kids fall over. Get sick. Lie. Cheat. Steal. Can’t do math. Hate sports. Some parents have this OCD to try and prevent their child from failing or ever feeling disappointment. Thats doing a great disservice to the child. Sometimes life sucks, sometimes its orgasmically fantastic. Children should be allowed to experience all of this so they can feel emotionally secure. No parent wants to see their child hurt. Don’t you think though, a grazed knee and a bruised heart are all part of growing up?
On 08/23/08 at 10:29 am
kiki said:
And please, no one get me started on anti-bacterial wipes.
Families will soon be as sterile in their hearts as they are in their homes.
On 08/23/08 at 10:34 am
Trista said:
hahahaha…I am such a throw back mom. I subscribe to the “15 second rule” and I also frequently administer the “blow it off, it’s fine” method.
On 08/23/08 at 10:38 am
kiki said:
Me too! Jeez a few germs are healthy not harmful! Otherwise how would our immune systems get nice and strong??!!
On 08/23/08 at 10:41 am
Meghan said:
15 Seconds sounds about right…love it!
I’m bad at this…don’t we have enough to worry about in the world? The children who freak out if they get their hands dirty picking up the piece of chicken that fell off their plate and then have to go lick a light switch or something to recover sanity freak me out!
People, please don’t make your child THAT CHILD.
On 08/23/08 at 3:18 pm
Joe in DC said:
I couldn’t imagine how difficult it must be to watch some of the children that you care for be treated like “Ameircan Girl” dolls.
Is it hard to separate yourself when you “clock-out” for the day? Doesn’t it weigh down on you over time?
I’m surprised that there’s such long tenure shown by some of those posting.
Is there high turn-over in the child-care business?
Curious to understand more…
On 08/23/08 at 3:53 pm
Meghan said:
Yayyy! Where’d you come from, handsome? My dreams?
It’s hard in the sense that I always have my eyes and ears on children. At the grocery store I’m making sure they don’t fall out of the cart. When driving I’m looking 2 blocks ahead because some jackass is letting his son run full steam ahead towards the intersection…
There is incredibly high turnover for some. I’m not keen on the revolving door child care. Some people choose to do it, but if you have the resources it isn’t the optimal choice as far as I am concerned.
I have managed to work with parents that appreciate that I have a vested interest in their family…even after I’m no longer working for them, I am a part of their lives.
Hi again, handsome
On 08/23/08 at 6:11 am
gonzalo said:
love the three stooges slap across their faces. cause it seems their overall disapproving glare can poke eyes out without raising a finger. whatta a shame. or just annoying.
being a parent with little resources, meeting up at the park with other folks is a joy and a salvation. not cause we can let our kids run rampant and out of our hair, so we can gossip; but because it feels real good to see our children happy. and from my personal experience it forges relationships with us adults that forge playdates at home.
however, i must say the mom squad is not exclusive to the upper crust. having lived in brooklyn, i’ve witnessed “ghetto” or “projects” squads, where the parents will hunt down their children if they step out of line or interrupt, slapping them upside the head. joy.
On 08/23/08 at 6:23 am
Meghan said:
You just made my week….thank you for stopping by!!!
Yes, it is the upper crust. The social dynamics of my neighborhood aren’t exactly an even plain of existence. Part of me feels a hippocrate being that I work for the ‘upper class’. I happen to love, admire and respect the parents I work for, they are phenomenal! They are not the subject of this rant, in any way shape or form.
I have so much fun at the playground! It is a joy, and should be celebrated! I never leave my little one’s side for a second…I give her space to run, climb and interact. But I am fully engaged with her at HER convenience, not my own.
On 08/23/08 at 6:13 am
cigarsmokinglawyer said:
I try to avoid myself on mondays - a conscience is a pesky thing.
Children are viewed as fashion accessories by many people - I just don’t get it.
On 08/23/08 at 6:16 am
Kiki said:
I know, me neither. It’s not like you can change the kids with each season.
On 08/23/08 at 8:20 am
Vic said:
You can if you rent them… ownership comes with nasty little responsibilities!
On 08/23/08 at 8:35 am
Meghan said:
Like loving them unconditionally, treating them like people, respecting their choices…it’s such a drain…
On 08/23/08 at 6:25 am
Meghan said:
I have always thought of myself as someone who wants to get married and have children. When I see children, of parents who have all the resources in the world, being shrugged off like this…my blood boils!
Money doesn’t buy happiness, but these families are living well, and miserable at the same time. I just can’t wrap my head around it.
And I have a big dome!
On 08/23/08 at 8:15 am
Karri said:
I’m with you, girl! I see so many “M.B.M’s” (our version of the Mom Squad) that either pawn their kids off on others or turn them into neurotic little beings via osmosis. It irritates the ever living shit out of me when I see them taking their fortunate lives for granted…GRRRRRR!!!
On 08/23/08 at 8:52 am
Meghan said:
That’s why I love my employers! They are all very fortunate as far as the lives they lead. But I work with women who treasure every moment and men who come home and roll around on the floor still in their business suits!
I could never work for those women/men/families that treat their families as a competition. I couldn’t respect myself if I did.
On 08/23/08 at 9:16 am
kiki said:
I work for a SAHM. She is a lovely person with a good heart. But she has no idea. No common sense. No self confidence. Needs a parenting magazine to tell her what to do, how to do it, when to do it. She has me (Cliche British nanny, over ten years exp) full time. I’ve been with them since the munchkins were teeny swaddled 10 weekers. The dad works and is extremely successful in his field. He’s also much more relaxed than she is about most things. between the pair of them its a wonder they survive the weekend when I’m not working.
I get v v v stressed out with parents. Thesedays its like you cannot simply RAISE a child with live, discipline and a roof over their heads. Nope. Children have to have every second of their waking time scheduled with school, sports, extra-curricular activities. They are rapidly losing their ability to PLAY. Pure, simple, imaginative play. God I saw a documentary about a group of 10 year olds, 10 for gods sake, and one of them outlined an average weekday. I’ll try and paraphrase it: 545am swim practice, 750am-245pm school, 330-5pm soccer, 6-715pm piano and violin, 8-9pm homework. Oh my god I could have cried. Actually I did. I think children have WAY too much pressure on them to achieve greatness at a younger and younger age. It’s tragic. They are losing precious time in their childhoods where all they ought to be worried about is getting home in time for supper. They can no longer play safely outdoors and exercise that way. I used to run into the fields behind my house with all the neighbourhood kids after school. You wouldn’t see any of us from 4-6pm every day. Now there are so many dangers, both real and exaggerated, that many children are housebound. Thus the rise in obesity.
I also worry about the psychological health of children thesedays. There is a scary rise in ore-teen depression, ADD and ADHD, teen violence and suicides.
I’m a huge believer in taking a few steps back in time, to the days of a simpler childhood. Where parents acted like parents. Children respected those around them. They could play freely, with no restraints caused by the joke that is Political Correctness. I know when I have kids I will not be a Yummy Mummy. I’ll be far too busy encouraging them to be children than worrying about scheduling my next pedi. I’m sure I’ll make many mistakes along the way, but emotional neglect of my offspring will most definitely NOT be one of them.
On 08/23/08 at 9:40 am
Meghan said:
Sooooo…How do you really feel?
On 08/23/08 at 9:49 am
kiki said:
I thought I was quite succinct and to the point there.
LOL.
On 08/23/08 at 6:38 am
Razor said:
Thank goodness I work from home and have only my dog to contend with. As such, I don’t dread Mondays at all.
Kudos to you, Meghan, for being such a trooper. My brain does not contain the censor function. Things can sometimes get ugly!
On 08/23/08 at 6:45 am
Meghan said:
Thanks Lady!!!!
I have some permanent scar tissue on the inside of my mouth for sure! It’s a real draw for me. You want the child to go out into the world and interact with everyone to gain life experience…on the other hand, most everyone stinks and the little one is left thinking the worst!
We were at the zoo the other day and she (not yet 3, mind you) looked up at me and asked why so many kids were sad! She’s happy as a lark and we are having a great time. When she sees children being scolded or reprimanded she’s confused.
On 08/23/08 at 7:54 am
Trista said:
“What saddens me about these women is that they truly do not enjoy their own children. It’s a very fancy form of neglect.”
This bums me out in a BIG way. These are the kinds of mothers that give me dirty looks at the park for running around like a wild Comanche with my kids at the playground, or for taking them out in public with dirt on their shirts. They’re kids! They are only going to be filled with this wonder and pure joy for life for so long…I am NOT going to squander it.
So judge away, mom police! I’ll be over here ignoring you and enjoying my babies.
On 08/23/08 at 7:56 am
Trista said:
I mean my little MEN…they’d kill me if they caught me calling em babies…
On 08/23/08 at 7:59 am
Carol said:
*giggle* I called Sass my baby girl yesterday and she QUICKLY corrected me. She won’t be six until next month, but she cuts glances like a certain 39 year old we both know and love. That girl loves her Auntie K.
On 08/23/08 at 8:00 am
Meghan said:
Yes, yes, big boy pants for your little men!! We had to edit the name ‘Baby Powder’ for Talcum Powder to get the sand off her toes!
It is sad. I make a fool out of myself constantly according to the masses. I slide down the slide, crawl around on my hands and knees covered in sidewalk chalk…and have you heard my singing voice? Not pretty.
Guess what - we aren’t pitching the latest out of the box idea at the Board Meeting. We’re at the play ground and I intend to play.
Until one of us passes out, preferably her, with a smile on her face, covered in dirt!
On 08/23/08 at 8:22 am
Vic said:
Is there really nay other way to have fun at the playground? Or in Target? Or at Walmart?
People look at me like I’m retarded for the things I do with the little guy in public… but you only live once, man! Enjoy life and have fun!
On 08/23/08 at 8:38 am
Meghan said:
Not only do you only live once, but you aren’t living for THOSE people!
Here’s an Update…PEOPLE PAY FAR TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO THEMSELVES TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU! So go nuts and run down the toy aisle. That’s memory he will share with you, and really, isn’t he the important one?!
On 08/23/08 at 9:32 am
Trista said:
Exactly.
We got noise complains when we were on vacation at our hotel, and you know what? It just made me want to be louder! Since when can you not make noise at a hotel during daylight?? We are a loud and rambunctious bunch and I really wouldn’t want it any other way.
So go ahead and give us the glares as we skip down the grocery store isles, or when we pretend that life is a musical and sing everything we are doing whilst back to school shopping at Target…we care not!
On 08/23/08 at 9:37 am
Meghan said:
What say you Target? We are all clearly addicted to you! Care to join the Eve Family?
I love the back to school aisles…highlighters, notebooks and folders OH MY! Ya best not repress my joy of racing through Target! I even had to take Bean there one time to stock up on essentials and she said ‘This place has everything for our house!’.
On 08/23/08 at 11:01 am
kiki said:
I am heading to precisely those aisles tomorrow (unless I drive down for a practice run) thats the BEST part of going back to school. New notebooks, pens, highlighters, a new school year diary, pencils, erasers, white out …. That stuff is like my porn! I can easily kill 2 hours in Target. God I love that place.
On 08/23/08 at 10:56 am
Vic said:
Since when can you not throw the children into the hotel pool? Since when is it a crime to ride bicycles down the Walmart aisles? Who says you can’t throw chicken nuggets at each other in the Chik-fil-A playground?
I think we as parents are goddamned good judges of what is and isn’t appropriate for the kiddos!
On 08/23/08 at 8:16 am
Vic said:
Um… it’s just incidental that these women are mommies. Sans children, you just call them uptight snobby cunts.
The unfortunate thing is that they seem to be factories for maladjusted youths. You know, the twisted fratboys that beat up hookers? The teenaged trollops that think blowjobs and anal are perfectly acceptable means to get what they want ad still “maintain their virginity?”
Yeah.
God forbid you get down and get dirty having fun with your kids and teach them how to forge emotional bonds with other people.
On 08/23/08 at 8:44 am
Meghan said:
I like the label Twat Monsters. It’s growing on me!
The youth is definitely suffering from this agenda. It destroys their character to develop such a lack of trust and appreciation for the world around them.
I don’t subscribe to the mantra that all children are wonderful angelic chunks o’ rainbow. Some of them are awful to contend with, but that doesn’t mean it’s their fault. My parents still ‘parent’ me and I am a free thinking 30 yr old woman. We all need guidance and love and these children just aren’t getting it.
On 08/23/08 at 8:23 am
Cap'n Nina said:
I’ll never understand mothers like this. I want to spend every moment with my child when he’s not in school. I like to listen and learn and just watch in awe at the things he comes up with everyday. It may sound harsh, but women like this don’t deserve to be mothers. They don’t deserve the title. They are nothing more than incubators and they act as such leaving their children to suffer. These are the same children who have a serious lack of respect for other people and who grow up thinking the world owes them something. They learn what they live.
On 08/23/08 at 8:26 am
Vic said:
You are a saint, then. I love the little guy to death and have a blast with him when we’re playing around… but I’m not ashamed to admit that there are times I wish he could disappear for a little bit or be a little more self-sufficient. Fact is, there are times that every child gets on their parents’ nerves. Truthfully, I think all parents have to feel that way sometimes. It’s okay to admit it, you know!
On 08/23/08 at 8:48 am
Meghan said:
No, no…parents/caregivers/aunts/grandmothers…we all need a break from time to time. The little one I care for has entered the world of ‘Why?’ and says it about 347 times a day.
You’re helping to create an entire human being, you are marking their memories and contributing to how they view the world. How can that not be tiresome? There’s no doubt your head can spin, but keeping it on straight they will thank you for later!
On 08/23/08 at 10:59 am
Vic said:
You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have… the facts of life. The facts of life!
On 08/23/08 at 11:09 am
Meghan said:
Just when I get Jesus Jones outta my head, I’m stuck with this!?
Just Kidding, I sing The Facts of Life anyway…
All about you.
You-u-u-u,
It takes a lot to get em right…
On 08/23/08 at 11:14 am
Vic said:
Muahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
On 08/23/08 at 11:19 am
Meghan said:
Now I am stuck in the 80’s
Sha la la la…
On 08/23/08 at 9:33 am
Trista said:
I agree, Vic. Sometimes I just need a break. And so I take it when I can, because I think it makes me a better mother. We all need our decompression time.
On 08/23/08 at 10:58 am
Vic said:
Yes. It saves the paperwork of the “missing children” investigation.
To love your kids means that you know you can silently wish them to be deaf-mutes at times…
On 08/23/08 at 11:05 am
kiki said:
My mum has a fridge magnet that makes me chuckle every time I see it:
“You spend the first two years of a childs life teaching them to walk and talk.
You spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.”
On 08/23/08 at 11:15 am
Vic said:
My parents are still trying to get me to shut up…
On 08/23/08 at 12:03 pm
Sarahh said:
LOVE this. And about to google it to find it for myself.
On 08/23/08 at 10:09 am
Dillon said:
I live in an entirely different world from the one you described, though I am familiar with those “soccer moms” you described from the time that I coached soccer some years ago. It seemed that their concern for their kids was a veneer covering up their overwhelming desire to be part of some social setting.
My version of the “mommy police” is the “Navy wives club”. This is a small sub-culture of women who get together to talk trash about virtually anyone who is not directly present for the conversation. (I can imagine that if one of them goes to the bathroom, the others take the time to talk trash about her — “I bet her shit is going to stink up your bathroom for a week, Lisa, with all that steak she eats. The nerve!”)
On 08/23/08 at 10:32 am
Meghan said:
You raise a good point.
Not only do these women not like ‘us’, but I have serious doubts if they even like each other. They express their loyalty to catalogs, not people. They have meticulously created this world in which they reside and it all revolves around them.
While I don’t engage in much conversation with these beasts, you can betcha anything they choose to share with me is something malicious about somebody else.
I had one woman point out another mother’s child and say “Did you hear, she’s a ‘processed foods’ baby! Isn’t that wretched?”.
Puhleeeze!
On 08/23/08 at 11:06 am
Andi said:
You know what pisses me off even more? All these stepford moms payed thousands of dollars to defy nature and become pregnant waaaayyy too late in life (hmmm mid 40’s) and then turn their noses up at young struggling mom’s who don’t have night nurses and a nanny, but two jobs, no free time, and too much coffee. I am also able to just smile and nod when I come into contact with these dragon ladies. I just keep thinking…”When I’m your age, my kids will be in college and I’ll be making up for lost time!” I wonder who will be changing who’s diapers in their house in 20 years.
On 08/23/08 at 11:16 am
Meghan said:
Well, Hello There!!
I have no problem with the older Mommies, but you would think after struggling to have a child (or twins, as it goes) they would have a greater appreciation for Motherhood as a whole.
I know women on IVF cycles and it’s tough! If I ever have to go through that I would think I would reserve the majority of my heart and energy enjoying my child and celebrating what they bring to my life.
On 08/23/08 at 1:09 pm
Andi said:
Yes, I agree. More power to you if you can have healthy children later in life, but be prepared to raise the child like the human being with emotion that he or she is instead of a cure for a mid life crisis or another toy for the collection.