The Representative
October 7, 2008 · Print This Article
With any luck, there comes a time in our lives when the lessons we’ve learned will culminate into a superlative dose of self confidence and we realize that we don’t need to be justified by the thoughts and opinions of others. We wholeheartedly know who we are, what we want and how to obtain it…negating societal expectations. Or, at least that’s the goal of growing up and growing into our own, right? But what happens when we inadvertently cross paths with someone who hasn’t achieved this right of passage, but who instead has opted for the path of least resistance?
Meet, “The Representative.”
The Representative is the persona that many weak and insecure individuals choose to don in order to showcase their ideal self… sans neurotic behaviors and idiosyncrasies. Skilled in the art of putting his or her best foot forward, The Representative often makes a stellar first impression that can last for quite some time. The thought process, albeit perhaps on a subconscious level, is mischievous and calculating, and chances are we’ve all succumbed to this juvenile behavior a time or two.
Quite possibly we may have even found ourselves acting in an unusual or sensationalized manner as to appear more desirable… but, desirable to whom? If we suppress and reject our own truths aren’t we ultimately denying those whom we’re attempting to attract?
Unfortunately, relationships don’t come with extended warranties or money back guarantees when all goes awry. One day your beloved bait and switcher is causing your heart to flutter and the next you fear finding Peter Cottontail boiling on the stove. We fell in love with a concept, an idea… a fairytale bill of goods that someone sold us and then suddenly, without warning, the other shoe drops and we find ourselves right smack in the middle of no-mans-land without a map. How did we not see this coming? How did we veer so far off course that we’re unable to recognize the person starring back at us?
Fear not, for the blame lies solely on The Representative. It’s an impossible feat to sustain a masked facade indefinitely and the truth is certain to reveal itself eventually. Assuming a Representative is an exhausting chore, and even more so for those unaware or unable to realize that they’re living in a fantasy world of make believe.
Doesn’t it make you wonder how anyone can reasonably expect a relationship to succeed when it is based on false expectations and dishonesty? Isn’t the fundamental foundation to any successful REAL-ationship exactly that - being REAL? So I say… ditch your Representative and wear your crazy with confidence! Besides, we’re all a little wacky in our own special sort of way, no?
Do you masquerade as a happy-go-lucky, carefree soul or pretend to be a hard ass when in reality you’re a fragile flower? When do you, or have you opted for a persona other than your own? Go ahead, admit it, we won’t judge you…name your foolish act of deceit.
On 10/6/08 at 10:09 pm
Karri said:
Okay folks, am I the only one around these parts who has been guilty of faking it ’till you make it? Sometimes, forcing a smile is an essential survival mechanism…or at least that’s what I tell myself.
You?
On 10/6/08 at 10:19 pm
Trista said:
Sometimes I am a hard-ass and sometimes a fragile flower. But I don’t think its about wearing a mask for me in this instance…its more about a hard candy shell that you have to eat through to get to my squishy center. And some people don’t like candy shell, so they never know what they’re missing.
I know, that made little sense. I have been writing academically for 10 hours. I can’t even see what I am typing anymore.
On 10/7/08 at 6:14 am
Karri said:
You made perfect sense…and I love the analogy of a candy coating rather than a brick wall and a moat.
What the hell is that gum that squirts when you bite it?
On 10/7/08 at 6:29 am
Sarahh said:
Freshen up.
I liked the blue.
On 10/7/08 at 7:01 am
Karri said:
We will now call her Trista Fresh. Or should that be, Fresh Trista?
On 10/7/08 at 9:49 am
Matty said:
Maybe “Up Trista”.
I kid…
On 10/7/08 at 3:27 am
lisaq said:
Ugh. I married that guy…more than once! And, sadly, I have been very guilty of faking it on more than one occasion. But no more! I am me and that’s all you frickin’ get!
On 10/7/08 at 6:15 am
Karri said:
WAIT! What?
Did I know that you’ve walked down the isle more than once, also?
On 10/7/08 at 8:09 am
Carol said:
I think she said she had done it THREE Times! And, how exactly do you think she would know what you know…even you don’t always know what you know!
On 10/7/08 at 8:20 am
Karri said:
…and let us not forget…
“You don’t know what you don’t know.”
On 10/7/08 at 5:35 am
pecosa said:
I’ve put on an act a couple of times in the past to get what or who I wanted but I was miseerable in the end because I had to keep up appearances.
I think everyone has different personalities withing themselves though. I’m not going to act like I do around my friends at a boardroom meeting and vice versa. This sometimes leads people to think that I’m not a hardworker, I don’t have a serious job and it’s all a big show for me, but they just haven’t met the professional me. And honestly, who would want to over beer and wings? Not much fun.
On 10/7/08 at 6:21 am
Karri said:
Pecosa, I totally agree that depending on the circumstances we are “allowed” to exhibit different behaviors. But, once upon a time, I spent so much time and effort putting on a happy face for everyone else that I had nothing left for myself and I was exhausted!
When I stopped pretending my relationships became much more genuine…and isn’t that what we all want?
On 10/7/08 at 10:11 am
Jeremy said:
You stopped? When was this?
On 10/7/08 at 10:35 am
Karri said:
Bite me!
On 10/7/08 at 6:12 am
Sarahh said:
I wear my crazy so much that I have color coordinating straight jackets.
A girl has to coordinate…
I have so many issues. All of which I am working on and trying to make livable. I think I will be working on my issues until the goats come home. I think we all will.
But to put out there a false representation of yourself to another and live that lie and hold a relationship being that lie, well that isn’t the best way to find love. Eventually the real person will crawl out.
Then what?
“Oh yeah, by the way, I have mother issues, OCD, and am neurotic. Happy 2 year anniversary!!”
On 10/7/08 at 6:26 am
Karri said:
Paraphrased Trista quote:
“pssst…all girls are crazy, Karri just wears hers out in the open for everyone to see.”
May I borrow your pink jacket? Mine seems to have gone missing.
On 10/7/08 at 6:28 am
Sarahh said:
Sure! It is pink with Black leather. The Tiffany Blue one has hints of dark chocolate brown…
I wave my crazy flag daily.
Just ask poor Vic.
On 10/7/08 at 6:39 am
Karri said:
Poor Vic, my ass!
Everyone knows that crazy girls are better in bed!
On 10/7/08 at 6:32 am
Cassie said:
yeah, OK, you caught me!!
I’m not as much as I USED to be, when I was the ‘good little girl’(don’t effin laugh, I WAS). But I still do carry the hard ass persona pretty much all the time!! LOL
On 10/7/08 at 6:40 am
Karri said:
GET OUT!!!
I was certain that you’d be the one to come here and tell me…”what you see is what you get…deal with it!”
It is far too early for me to be this confused, thanks Cass.
On 10/7/08 at 6:43 am
Cassie said:
HAHAHAH
I like to shake things up a bit!!! Keeps you on you toes!!! hahahahahahahaha
and yeah, pretty much what you see is what you get, but I get offended/crushed pretty easily, so I use the tough exterior to hide all o’dat!!!!
On 10/7/08 at 6:57 am
Karri said:
Okay, Miss…I have some homework for you.
Next time someone says or does something that hurts your feelers, instead of pretending that you aren’t bothered by it, just say “ouch!” That not only acknowledges your own emotions, but it sets boundaries too.
Let’s do that, m’kay?
On 10/7/08 at 7:07 am
Cassie said:
I’ll try it…..it’s far better than punching the person that hurt my ‘feelers’ HAHAHAHA
On 10/7/08 at 8:06 am
Karri said:
And cheaper then bailing you out of the slammer!
On 10/7/08 at 6:39 am
Meghan said:
I admit to some masquerading of self, some of that is a job hazard. Not for the sake of the kids, but for the adults. There is a circle of adults I work with that know me very well and appreciate the true me. While others are only comfortable with Miss Merry Can’t Do Wrong.
As far as relationships…I don’t really hide much. More than often I say too much of what I am thinking and you get to know me pretty quickly. Like it or not.
You can think I’m nuts but at least tell me so I can either explain myself, or prove you’re right.
On 10/7/08 at 6:49 am
Karri said:
How lucky are we to not being living in circa 1950 when we all would’ve had to hide our inner most whack job?!
Work was when I used to fake the most. I was under the impression that people only wanted to see the “perfect” me. It took a bit of time after I dumped my representative for people to grasp the idea that I too had shitty days just like everyone else.
And those who aren’t comfortable with reality need to check themselves first!
On 10/7/08 at 7:11 am
Meghan said:
Yeah…I wouldn’t have survived circa 1950…granted it would all be different from the get go…but pointy bra or not, I would have been looked upon as a downright Harlet.
Work right now is strange because I’ve worked with children for over a decade and I am along side tried and true academics who have one 2 yr old and never so much touched a child before their own. They expect me both me and their children to be perfect.
In reality they are the ones who can’t let go of their Representative.
On 10/7/08 at 8:09 am
Karri said:
Is it wrong that I want to bop those Stepford ladies up side ‘da head? I don’t get it! Why did they even bother having whipper snappers at all? Ohhhh…because they thought they had to? PFFFFFFT!!!
On 10/7/08 at 6:52 am
Svaha said:
I’m 100% fakin it ’til I make it. But I’m under therapist’s orders. I’m a very up front person and don’t hide behind who I am, more like what I am when my depression is kicking my butt. I’m definitely an Eeyore kinda guy faking it through a Pooh kinda world.
I don’t smile cause I’m happy, I smile so people think I’m happy.
On 10/7/08 at 7:00 am
Karri said:
HA! I learned the “fake it ’till you make it” term while getting my head shrunk.
Another one of my favorites is “where are you living, and where are you visiting?”
It’s okay to fake it to once in a while as long as we don’t get stuck there. Ya know?
On 10/7/08 at 7:28 am
Svaha said:
I hear you and I’m good. Not great, not terrible, but good.
My favorite shrink moment was when I was breaking a new therapist in and going over my childhood. At one point the therapist stopped me and said, with genuine concern “You do know that’s fucked up right?” That one line right there helps keep me grounded.
On 10/7/08 at 7:47 am
Karri said:
Oh My…I’m sorry, but that’s just funny! I do so enjoy a shrinker that doesn’t sugar coat.
On 10/7/08 at 7:07 am
Carol said:
The only place I feel compelled to keep any negativity “in check” is at work. New job, until they really get to know me,I figure it’s best. Funny enough, had an issue crawl up my ass yesterday and three of my team members and my boss all laughed when I dropped a few f-bombs. At work.
For me, it’s not so much about them…it’s the fact I truly believe it’s unprofessional.
My friends know me. The real me. I ditched the rep years ago. I’ve very much one of those “hate me for who I am, don’t love me for what I’m not” kind of people. Make sense?
On 10/7/08 at 8:15 am
Karri said:
That makes perfect sense. However, I think where some tend to slip up is when they wait too long to reveal the “what not’s.” Granted, it’s not always appropriate to drop an F-bomb within the first few minutes of meeting someone new, but may as well break them in as soon as possible so there’s no misinterpretations.
On 10/7/08 at 3:23 pm
Carol said:
Three things I will do on ANY first date.
1. Drop an F bomb.
2. Make some inappropriate joke.
3. Smoke a cigarette.
Gotta an issue with any of them….yes, well, good for you. But, I refuse to be a good girl who gets judged later.
Come to think of it. I did all three of those things on my very FIRST day on the new job. Just one on one…with my boss. I love my boss. She is the best boss I have ever had. She gets me…and, believe or not….accepts me, as is.
On 10/7/08 at 7:17 am
Fiona said:
*sigh*
I’ll raise my hand and admit to playing hard ass through high school. Being painfully shy just didn’t work and hard ass made people leave me alone. After a while it wasn’t just a persona though, it became a part of me to protect the squishy inside from getting trampled.
We still don’t cry. We still don’t feel unless we allow it.
What hurt was when DB said told me (we’ve known each other for 13 years) he never asked me out way back when because he was afraid of me. Then he told me he now knows the truth.
Part of me thinks “shit, I could have been happy all this time” but the other part knows I was a different person then…. and my insecurity would have been scarier than the hard ass.
I’m torn now. I’m thankful to the representative for protecting squishy through a hateful marriage.
Maybe the trick is knowing when you no longer need him?
On 10/7/08 at 7:25 am
Svaha said:
“That was then and this is now”
You were both different people back then. You were younger and the Rep did protect the Squishy. The Squishy needed to time to grow strong. FiMoCo wouldn’t be FiMoCo if the the Squishy got trampled too early. And if you got trampled too often, you might not of had the strength to even find a BadAss Rep.
It’s all OK in the end. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end yet.
On 10/7/08 at 7:43 am
Fiona said:
That’s what I figure.
And, you as an Eeyore type makes sense. I have a soft spot for Eeyores.
There would be no MoCo if the squishy got trampled. Period.
On 10/7/08 at 8:13 am
Carol said:
You two have confused me with the abbreviations.
I need coffee!
On 10/7/08 at 11:34 am
Svaha said:
Rep - the representative discussed in the blog
Squishy - the soft, shy girl that Fiona keeps buried deep inside
FiMoCo - the Fiona & Mouse Corporation. The soon to be famous mother/daughter team taking the world by storm one ridiculously small island at a time.
DB - Fiona’s freakishly tall boytoy.
And as a mom of two kids I’m hoping you’re already familiar with Eeyore & Pooh
On 10/7/08 at 8:22 am
Kevin said:
I’m so many different people I don’t know who I am anymore, but I certainly don’t fake any of them. I’m a horrible liar and it shows, I have this incessant need to tell the truth. There are various behavior qualities that come out at different situations. I’m tough, but I’m sure it’s masking a great deal underneath, usually those people have soft centers and you got to delve deep to pull it out.
It’s kind of like a tree trunk and it’s rings, the more you endure then you get another ring, someone has to really swing an axe a few times to see who the real guy is, only to find that he’s, for the most part, been in front of you all along. I have a tendency to get softer the longer I know you letting you get away with murder, but if I don’t know you, it’s an entirely different story, zero to nil tolerance of any kind, I don’t know why, I kinda make one work for it, I feel it’s something that has to be earned. I mostly don’t really let loose until I know someone, because I can be pretty far out at times and I don’t want someone to be as on guard as I can be, that’s just tragic. Isn’t that pretty typical of most though, to be toughened up, to put on somewhat of a front? I probably sound generic.
On 10/7/08 at 8:40 am
Karri said:
You my friend, are far from generic!
“I can be pretty far out at times and I don’t want someone to be as on guard as I can be, that’s just tragic.”
Ummmm…with love and respect, you do realize that’s not fair, don’t you?
On 10/7/08 at 1:46 pm
Kevin said:
You’re right absolutely, and it’s fine to say, it isn’t fair, but I should probably clarify that statement, I meant that I’d hope that someone feels comfortable around me, rather than guarded to the point that I can be at times, because it’s not particularly a trait of mine that I consider positive. It’s certainly not a prerequisite. I envy those that are the opposite of that, where they can so effortlessly be warm, receptive and loud from the first second, and ironically those are the ones I’ve ended up dating or becoming close friends with as they seem to be attracted to my difficult to get into right away nature. It becomes a match made in heaven….or hell however you look at it. Then I end up throwing a curve ball by jumping up on a bar and splitting the patrons into groups to put on a symphony of Meg Ryan’s infamous orgasm scene…yep that actually happened among other things that contradict what I’ve just said. : \
On 10/7/08 at 8:50 am
PJ said:
I’m hungover and not in the mood to write a lengthy explanation paragraph, but let’s just say I find it a bit ironic that I’m reading a post about people putting on a facade on the easiest place to put one on.
On 10/7/08 at 8:52 am
The Queen of England said:
Whatever do you mean?
On 10/7/08 at 9:57 am
Brad Pitt said:
I don’t know what he’s talking about either. I’ll go ask Angie.
On 10/7/08 at 10:04 am
PJ said:
Wow! Brad Pitt is even more handsome on the internet.
On 10/7/08 at 9:08 am
Karri said:
Hungover on Tuesday, PJ?
I totally agree that the net is chock full of imposters. Which makes no sense to me…isn’t interacting with virtual strangers safer than face-to-face?
On 10/7/08 at 9:19 am
PJ said:
Being a drunk is a full time job. Well, it’s safer interaction unless you meet up with those virtual strangers, like signing up for Match.com, for instance. That’s just plain craziness.
On 10/7/08 at 9:26 am
Karri said:
Or like meeting the crazies when you’re on vacation? And by crazies I totally mean T and her multiple personalities.
On 10/7/08 at 9:54 am
PJ said:
I have to admit, that was the first time I’ve seen someone break into a fit of spontaneous jazzercise.
On 10/7/08 at 10:09 am
Cassie said:
Spontaneous Jazzercize? that sounds interesting…..
On 10/7/08 at 10:14 am
Karri said:
Hey! I had a cramp, what was I suppose to do?
On 10/7/08 at 10:29 am
PJ said:
You were supposed to wait until I got my video camera out.
On 10/7/08 at 10:44 am
Karri said:
There’s entertainment value in watching 1 shot Karri roll around on a sidewalk? Huh…who knew.
On 10/7/08 at 9:59 am
Kiki said:
I have been known to don a few masks in order to fit into my surroundings. I find as I get older I am more relaxed about who I am and I need less approval from others. I don’t always like myself, and sometimes my crazies definitely take over the assylum. But on the whole I try to be a generically Nice Person to everyone and hope that karma responds in kind. I don’t deal well with conflict or people that piss me off or hurt me. Emotionally that makes me run for the hills. I need to deal with that.
But I had a date on Sunday, with a guy I met randomly and we have emailed and called for 3 weeks nearly til we met. I tried to just be myself, and enjoy it for what it was, instead of thinking “why the hell is he still here? Why is he interested in me??!!” I have self esteem issues in that department. But we had a great time, laughed a lot, and I am now on tenterhooks waiting to hear from him again. Am doing the 3 day rule and it’s killing me.
I guess my long drawn out point is, why create a facade if you want someone to fall in love with You?
On 10/7/08 at 10:33 am
Karri said:
I freakin’ HATE the 3 day rule! Who’s dumb ass idea was that? Listen, if you like this guy and you want to make contact, then do it! Your balls are bigger than you’re giving yourself credit for.
And if you fall flat on your face, so be it. We’ll be here to pick you up and dust you off.
On 10/7/08 at 10:44 am
Kiki said:
Thanks K
I do have the odd moment of mahoosive cahoona-ness but I kind of want him to do the chasing not me (for a change!) but at the same time I hate game playing and think The Rules are just a way to mess with your head, really. Dumb ass yes.
On 10/7/08 at 10:48 am
Karri said:
What’s wrong with a simple “I had a great time with you on Sunday, let’s do that again soon” text? You’re not chasing, just opening the door.
On 10/7/08 at 11:11 am
Kiki said:
He just called
all is well in Kiki-land once more! LOL.
He’s too damned cute and I hope HE’S being real.
On 10/7/08 at 1:33 pm
Karri said:
I love the power of suggestion…WHEEEEEEEE!!!
Enjoy girl, and I expect regular updates.