To porn or not to porn?
March 13, 2008 · Print This Article
Welcome to “He said, She said,” where we take a common question or topic and see if members of the opposite sex can get on the same page, or if they’ll have to agree to disagree. Today’s topic:
When you enter into a relationship, is it necessary to break-up with your porn, or can the three of you live happily ever after?
He said:
The answer is in the question…you got it, porn is no good.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m as big a freak as the next (minus the S&M) when I’m single and able to do what I want. I’ll admit there’s nothing like having a little personal time with a hot gal when I don’t have to worry about whether or not she likes me and all my little idiosyncrasies. She’s got a smokin’ body, talks like a sailor, and I can turn her off with the click of a mouse as soon as I’m done.
However, living your sex life vicariously through a computer screen with a handful of lube in tow really will never do you justice in the long run. The only pro I could even POSSIBLY give porn, is that IF you and your partner are truly secure and ambitious enough to get whatever you want out of watching a movie together, then by all means. But, generally speaking, watching porn solo while in a relationship does more damage than good. And it’s a simple concept: you watch images and scenes (scripted for Christ’s sake!) to turn you on, and generally those details and images and people are in no way related to the sex you have with your partner. You click, get off, and then move on. How did that hot sexy porn moment help further your relationship? Right, it didn’t.
So there you have it…are you really willing to give up that easy ‘O’ for the sake of having even BETTER and more AMAZING sex with your partner? Only you can decide.
She said:
I can’t believe my counter-part is such a vajaja! Seriously, where’d your balls go? Simply stated porn is a fantasy. Viewers, both men and women, watch not only for the sole purpose of releasing a little pent up energy, but also to escape. Off to never-never land with lube in tow we go.
More than likely, if we were to take a vacation, we’d invite the person we’re shagging to be our travel partner, right? So, if we’re going to embark on a mini-retreat right in the comfort of our own homes, why wouldn’t we include the same person to share in our adventure? It’s the perfect opportunity to utilize the Buddy System.
Certainly when traversing unknown territories it would be prudent to plot out a course prior to wandering into no-mans land. Not realizing that your significant other has a penchant for rare and unusual caverns might send you to the nearest airport before the ink on your passport has had time to dry. Through a bit of communication and planning however, the two of you might discover that you both have a fondness for marine life. Intrigued by the wonders of eel and octopus, you decide to venture off and explore the vast array of possibilities in the deep blue sea.
Every culture has its pitfalls. Sure, exploring Asia(ns) sounds thrilling, but the thought of eating sushi makes you want to vomit! This is when you get to practice the art of compromise; perhaps the two of you could take a side jaunt through the Swiss Alps before embarking on your Mount Fuji expedition…or whatever topography suits your fancy.
Keep in mind that any good traveler should be aware of their limits. If you have a weak heart or are in poor health you should heed caution; don’t over-exert yourself and always stay hydrated!
What’s your opinion? Should couples forgo their stash in lieu of Late Night with Letterman or can the triple box set spice up the monotony of monogamy?
Our guest writer Adam resides on the East coast while longing for sandy beaches and flip flops.
You can find him here.
Psssst! We have a show tonight! Get the details by clicking here.
On 03/13/08 at 2:00 am
Rex said:
What was that about octopi and the Japanese???
I don’t know if I have much say in the matter seeing as the last time I had a legitimate girlfriend was during the last days of the Clinton Administration. However, I never had a problem with talking about/watching porn with my girl. It was never an overload but it did what it supposed to do, and that’s titillate. heh. …titillate.
On 03/13/08 at 6:53 am
Karri said:
Were you even of legal porn watching age during the Clinton Administration?
“Titillate” makes me giggle. Ya, I’m mature like that, what?
On 03/13/08 at 9:02 am
Rex said:
Let’s see… in 1999, I graduated high school and was 16, going on 17. So NOPE! I’m a rebel, Dotty. …let’s see if Sarah (x hhhhhhhhhh’s) knows that movie.
Goddamn. I better get back in the saddle. Nearly a decade of not having an officially-sanctioned girlfriend. That’s crazy. Doesn’t mean I wasn’t active during university. …with the faculty. BUT I DIGRESS! You wanna know, you EMAIL me. haha
On 03/13/08 at 9:53 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
Ahh, I loved that movie. The stars at night, are big and bright!!
On 03/13/08 at 10:39 am
Karri said:
I really should partake in the cinema more often, you two just lost me.
On 03/13/08 at 11:30 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
This is from one of my favorite movies when I was a kid. You’ve had to have seen this adventure movie. If not I’ll tell you where you can find. An tell em Large Marge sent cha!
On 03/13/08 at 11:15 am
Kevin said:
*clap* *clap* *clap* *clap* Deep in the heeeaaarrt of Texasss!
Lol.
On 03/13/08 at 12:59 pm
Chris said:
“I’m a rebel, Dotty.”
.
Nope. I’m usually an expert in quotes, but that one just parted my hair.
.
“My food is problematic.”
On 03/13/08 at 1:06 pm
Rex said:
Someone likes Firefly…
On 03/13/08 at 6:55 pm
Chris said:
Apparently I’m not the only one.
.
“Shiny. Let’s be bad guys.”
On 03/13/08 at 1:55 pm
Karl Rove said:
I still need to visit the basement of the Alamo.
On 03/13/08 at 3:51 pm
Carlene said:
No one ever gets it when I talk about the basement of the Alamo.
On 03/13/08 at 6:21 pm
Karri said:
I haven’t a clue what you people are talking about, but I’m glad you’re talkin’!
Continue on…
On 03/13/08 at 7:33 pm
Rex said:
There’s a lotta things about me you don’t know anything about, Dotty. Things you wouldn’t understand. Things you couldn’t understand. Things you shouldn’t understand…
On 03/13/08 at 2:01 am
Rex said:
Now making one’s own porn is a whole other story…
On 03/13/08 at 6:54 am
Karri said:
I was the victim of the homemade movie returned to the video store once. But we don’t need to talk about that.
On 03/13/08 at 8:17 am
Trista said:
Ummm…yes we do! Tonight on the show, even!
On 03/13/08 at 9:07 am
Rex said:
…i thought i saw that mouth and feverish look in the eyes somewhere else…
On 03/13/08 at 9:12 am
Karri said:
I think I’ve said enough, no?
I mean really…you can’t write that shit and I wish I was kidding!
On 03/13/08 at 9:17 am
Rex said:
Here. I’ll write something embarrassing about myself so we’re on an even keel. *ahem* This is so difficult… GOD… um… I was once told that I had a “big one”. I KNOW! What the fuck. I couldn’t believe that shit. Apparently, my ladyfriend never got around the neighborhood much. Strangest thing is, she wasn’t the last girl to tell me that. And… AND!!!! None of them were Asian.
On 03/13/08 at 9:25 am
Karri said:
Now you’re just bragging.
On 03/13/08 at 9:28 am
Rex said:
No, I’m honestly thinking she was inflicted with massive brain trauma sometime in her life. OK… Look at either of your thumbs. In your mind’s eye, cut it in half. That’s ME.
On 03/13/08 at 3:27 am
lisaq said:
I’m all about watching porn together. The buddy system is definitely the way to go. When one indulges without the other it can definitely be detrimental to the relationship. My ex used to stay up and watch porn by himself after I went to bed. No bueno!
On 03/13/08 at 6:57 am
Karri said:
Lisa, our lives are more parallel than you could imagine. And I concure…no bueno!
On 03/13/08 at 7:52 am
Trista said:
Nothing pissed me off more than getting up in the morning to find “Inked and Slutty” in our DVD player…especially considering I had tried my best to have some slutty sexin’ of my own the night before. But noooooooo…my ex husband preferred the girls of porn to the real woman in his bed.
I have no IDEA why our marriage didn’t work out.
On 03/13/08 at 7:57 am
Karri said:
The only possession that my first ex and I fought over in the divorce was our favorite porn. The problem was he couldn’t keep it in the VCR (it was the 90’s), he had to venture into the neighborhood. I too have NO idea why it didn’t work out!
On 03/13/08 at 9:05 am
Rex said:
Inked and Slutty sounds like a prelude piece to the now-classic Cum On My Tattoo series. A tour-de-force, that set is. Less intrusive on the porn palate than Weapons of Ass Destruction as well. …not that I know.
On 03/13/08 at 9:15 am
Karri said:
Alright now, that’s enough ass sex talk for one day! *shudder*
On 03/13/08 at 9:23 am
Rex said:
ONE MENTION (from me) is all it takes? Man, I’m potent. Sarahh mentioned leather-clad goats and got a pass! Unless you thought they were all MALE goats and that allowed your mind to wander off too much with that scenario…
On 03/13/08 at 11:17 am
Kevin said:
Must be VERRRRRY careful with your apostrophes.
On 03/13/08 at 5:53 am
Di said:
It can all mix together, it’s like a visual prop. The best is challenging eachother to make it till the end of a scene without losing clothing! heheh
But yes, the main problem is when a man still prefers to watch porn alone, rather than make love to his partner. I’ve been living that situation, and not only is it detrimental to the relationship, but to the partner’s self-confidence, which then affects other aspects. Vacations are nice, but when only solo, the other gets left behind.
On 03/13/08 at 7:08 am
Karri said:
The myth is that men are more visually stimulated than women. Perhaps it’s my 40-year old hormones, but I don’t mind a good prop now and again myself as long as I continue to be the main star and not a supporting role.
On 03/13/08 at 6:53 am
Sarahh said:
I am not a fan of porn. I prefer to fantasize in my own head, if solo, or just be in the moment with my beau. NOW. This doesn’t mean I hate porn or don’t want my partner partaking in porn.
As long as it doesn’t become an addiction,obsession, or he starts to want to watch it when we are having relations, then hey, to each his own(porn).
That is of course unless I walk in on him watching S&M&B porn. AKA Goats in leather type of shenanegans, then once again, live and let watch porn.
On 03/13/08 at 7:59 am
Karri said:
I suddenly have the vision of goats in leather having relations. Thanks for that Sarahh.
On 03/13/08 at 8:42 am
Sarahh said:
Hey, I am here to help expand the mind. And if that means picturing goats in leather whipping folks who dig that sort of thing. Well so be it.
On 03/13/08 at 10:45 am
Karri said:
Well done girl, well done!
On 03/13/08 at 1:04 pm
Chris said:
Ohhhh… mental image, begone! Mental image, Begone! Mental image, BEGONE!
On 03/13/08 at 7:20 am
Cassie said:
I’d say that whatever both persons in a relationship is comfortable with….
Personally, I don’t see ever NOT watching, but that’s just me!
On 03/13/08 at 8:01 am
Karri said:
Now that Sarahh has me thinking about goats, I can honestly say I am NOT comfortable with that!
On 03/13/08 at 8:50 am
Kevin said:
Watching porn together is INCREDIBLE when you’re both into it. But that’s the crux. You have to have that commonality.
If one of you aren’t into it as much as the other (sometimes)… or if insecurities get in the way (often!)… or, maybe most importantly, if it’s used as some sort of substitute and not a SHARED supplement… either the porn-watching, or the relationship, needs to stop.
On 03/13/08 at 9:17 am
Karri said:
Brilliant! Join us more often, won’t you?
On 03/13/08 at 11:12 am
Kevin said:
I will! Just found you the other day. Got you bookmarked.
Still trying to lose the “shadow” in my av.
On 03/13/08 at 11:47 am
Karri said:
Log into: http://www.mybloglog.com
make a profile, upload a pic and viola’, you’ll be shadow-less.
On 03/14/08 at 4:38 am
Sarahh said:
I did that and I am still shadow girl. SOBS…
On 03/15/08 at 6:58 am
Kevin said:
Agree with Sarahh…
I created my profile, uploaded a pic… even found the part in my settings to show the pic… but… still nothing.
On 03/13/08 at 9:00 am
PJ said:
Porn can sometimes be a healthy way to vicariously release some of those sexual feelings that you have, but don’t necessarily want to share with someone you “love.” That can be a good thing. To me, there’s a little bit of a difference between lust and love. I wouldn’t want my girlfriend humming the alphabet with little PJ in her mouth while I twirled a pair of devil sticks, but I wouldn’t mind looking down to see a floozy from the bar kneeling there.
On 03/13/08 at 9:23 am
Karri said:
A little bit of difference between lust and love? Pardon me sir, but they’re not even on the same planet.
On 03/13/08 at 10:15 am
PJ said:
Ok. I didn’t quite word that right. I meant lust for someone in general vs. lust for someone you love.
On 03/13/08 at 10:27 am
Karri said:
Love and lust can co-habitate, it’s just that one doesn’t equal the other, agreed?
On 03/13/08 at 10:35 am
PJ said:
Shake on it?
On 03/13/08 at 11:08 am
Karri said:
Shaken, not stirred.
On 03/13/08 at 10:06 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
The “buddy system” hehe!? I’m sorry I find that funny.
Any hoo, I think that porn and girlfriends(long term) HAVE to coexist. Let’s face it, no two people are always horny at the same time. So for some “release” which sounds better; Your significant other keeping a porn stash or a stash of booty calls. And what kind of guy would I be if I didn’t advocate a little skin flickery? This should honestly be a question set aside for the 5th or 6th date. Can we watch porn together? And does tentacle sex turn you off? How about pregnant orgies?
On 03/13/08 at 10:37 am
Karri said:
Abso-freakin’-lutely! I’d much prefer that whomever is banging me (ya, I said it, don’t judge me!) is flipping the remote rather than the pages in a little black book…alone or together.
On 03/13/08 at 10:53 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
You gals were right too, there is such a thing as too much of good thing. I’ve yet to choose porn over the real thing, but I know a few guys who are complete sex addicts. I mean the type that hump couches why they talk about porn. Not the funny two pumps and done either.
Can you tell I’ve used that rationale before?
On 03/13/08 at 11:42 am
Karri said:
Sometimes we just don’t know where the line is until we cross it.
On 03/13/08 at 11:41 am
Carol said:
Banging you…let me giggle a bit on that one!
I have not watched porn with my boyfriend. I think together it could be fun…but right now, I’m more in the create our own fantasy mode.
On 03/13/08 at 11:45 am
Karri said:
HAHAHAHAAAA!!!
I was wondering if anyone would catch that…of course you did. That was the best I could come up with considering the circumstances. You know how I feel about outing myself.
You’re still on the crack, but somehow I envision the two of you not watching porn but rather making your own. Just be sure to keep it out of reach with the kiddos around.
On 03/13/08 at 1:09 pm
Chris said:
OK, well… that was the opposite of what I expected. And, at first, I thought it was Trista writing the pro-porn side, not Karri… hmmm… now that is a mental image I’ll have to cultivate!
On 03/13/08 at 6:11 pm
Karri said:
Cultivate as in reap what you sow?
On 03/13/08 at 7:05 pm
Chris said:
Well, you know, my… uh… imagination… is… um… quite… er… fertile… and you just went and scattered a bunch of Miracle-Gro around… planting seeds and such… really, what are you trying to do to me? Do you have any idea how long it’s been? Here I’m… vulnerable.
OK, I’m having a difficult time saying that with a straight face!
I’ll see you two tonight… sort of.
On 03/13/08 at 1:42 pm
Cornelius the dancing Spiderman said:
The porn’s gotta stay, even if one has to use it alone and/or secretly. It’s fantasy, and it’s healthy in my book.
On 03/13/08 at 6:12 pm
Karri said:
It’s the secret part that I have an issue with. Those generally aren’t good and healthy in a REAL-ationship.
On 03/13/08 at 4:11 pm
Carlene said:
Watching together can enhance the sexual side of a relationship, but I think all matters have to be agreed upon. And both parties should be completely open about their particular tastes and what turns them on. I find it amazing that many people cannot open up to their partner about this kind of stuff. Also, all porn is not for everyone, so you should respect your partner on how they feel about it. It’s not a life or death situation, compromising will not kill you.
I also don’t have a problem with my partner enjoying a little “him” time with celluloid hussies. But the moment it starts interfering with our sex life, changes better happen fast. If a partner turns down sexual advances only to stay up and watch porn??
On 03/13/08 at 6:14 pm
Karri said:
“Celluloid Hussies”…very nice!
I agree, we all have boundaries and we must respect those; add a little compromise and you’ve got yourself a ticket to a fun-filled night.
On 03/13/08 at 5:27 pm
Melissa said:
Nope porn has to go… Basically if the man already has a stash of porn it’s all to his tastes.
My ex-husband had a stash of porn. I large stash. An obsessive stash. He’d order a new DVD via the internet and be unable to wait for the dvd to arrive at our door. He’d pay an extra $25 to get the dvd shipped overnight… yes for porn.
I didn’t care for his porn. It was in your face OBGYN shots… no thank you! He’d decide it was time to watch it and it didn’t matter if I was still in the room or not.
He’d start watching his porn and I’d be there trying to block the television with my book and ignore the moaning sounds.
Generally, I’d get mad and run off to my room. End up falling asleep or whatever. Then of course my ex would come to me expecting to get some… that would piss me off to no end!
I get more turned on by reading and using my own imagination than watching some perfect blonde woman with the measurements of 38, 26,32, getting blasted in the face with cum which comes from some weird looking dude with a 10 inch pecker…
If my ex had actually given a shit about me and asked me. We probably could’ve gone and searched for movies together. Like finding some novice movies. Mr. and Mrs. Jones decide to make a movie in their backyard… that I could’ve possibly got into.
From my experience I’d say when you’re starting a new relationship then definitely get rid of the porn. Then wait until the relationship is at a good point and bring up the idea of exploring porn together.
On 03/13/08 at 6:20 pm
Karri said:
Again, isn’t it all about communication and respect? Say perhaps you met someone who had a stash of porn that did suit your fancy…would you still object as long as he included you on terms that you felt comfortable with? I think saying that it has to go is a bold statement that you yourself contradicted by saying that you could possibly get into it if it didn’t make you feel uncomfortable. Being open, honest and respecting the other person’s boundaries is key, I just think you had a selfish bastard for a husband. Sorry, did I say that out loud?
On 03/15/08 at 8:01 am
Kevin said:
You can never say that loud enough, Karri! But, obviously Melissa already knew that… hence he is her EX-husband.
But I do agree that Melissa is too quick to blame the porn… when we can all agree it’s the pig watching it that is the problem.
On 03/18/08 at 8:05 pm
Love & Music said:
My marriage would have ended years ago if I didn’t have my porn stash to get off to occassionaly. Unfortunately the hubby doesn’t always do it for me. I’ve tried to give him tips, he’s proven difficult to train… so… sometimes I’m left frustrated and need a little motivation to finish the job.
Also, in past relationships porn has proven to be quite enjoyable to watch with a partner… I’m no porn star, but sometimes it’s fun to play like one.
On 03/19/08 at 7:07 pm
Angela said:
I do not know how my marriage would survive without porn. My husband is in the Army and so we only see each other on the weekends and sometimes not even then. If it wasnt for porn, we would both be doing things we have no business doing no matter how strong our relationship. We are open about it, we dont hide that we watch it, but we dont flaunt it either. And when he comes home, its all about me.