Too Much Information
November 1, 2008 · Print This Article
I think I have made it very clear to my social circle that they are free to be an open book with me. The right place and time provided, we can talk about anything. You can count on my ears to be open and my mind to be focused. It’s the rest of the world I have trouble shutting out. Let me explain.
I like to consider myself a people person. I enjoy social and casual banter throughout my day with the strangers I come into contact with. I’m friendly and I have the laugh lines to prove a smile is most usually on my face…when I’m not smirking and creating the wrinkle in my forehead.
All that being said; I happen to have some boundaries and they seem are getting crossed. Someone recently recommended I embrace my inner ‘bitch’, (which for her is her outer ‘cunt’) and just ignore the crazies of the world with a swift shoulder and an upward turned nose. Then maybe I wouldn’t have to deal with situations like the growing relationship I have with a local homeless man. He actually STOPS pan handling when he sees my car approaching so we can chat. It’s a pretty awkward exchange.
Maybe it’s the small town Midwesterner in me, but for years I have found myself stuck in conversational traps. Finally, I have become comfortable with the fact that I have boundaries, and they’re healthy ones!
In particular, there are three topics of conversation I would kindly ask you keep to yourself. Not about censorship here, I just don’t want to have to process it while I am in line for an iced coffee.
‘We’re Trying Again!’
Family is something that should be cherished and celebrated. I can appreciate the swelling pride of a couple planning to increase the number of car seats in the back of their three-row Low Emissions Vehicle. You’re trying for another baby…wow. May I remind you, however that we just met 30 seconds ago and now I’m being forced to picture you both naked.
Please don’t announce this to strangers. All you’re really doing is telling me you are having egregious amounts of unprotected sex. Shall I suggest some new positions to break the monotony; or do I just get to stand here and picture the Misses in a post coital rocking motion; knees to chest trying to plant your seed? Let me know when she’s three months along and I’ll try to gather some enthusiasm.
Talking About The Jesus
Religion and I are going to take a tumble in a few weeks. Stay tuned for that one, kids. For the record, I am incredibly tolerant of you having religious beliefs. Faith and practicing positive thinking is a-okay with me. I am NOT incredibly tolerant of you trying to verbally set me on fire and send me to hell in the Express Lane.
Sad story on the front of People magazine…tragic, I know. You would like to discuss it with me as the woman ahead of us both blatantly breaks the 10-12 items rule; but you can’t. Whilst shaking your head at the news and talking about how many new souls are with Jesus, you inquire if I’m a Christian. No, I am not. ‘Well then. You wouldn’t understand.’
You’re right. These bendy straws in my basket aren’t for smoothies - I make colorful pentagrams to hang over my bed. I’m planning on putting pot in my gluten free brownie mix and then bathing in this tomato juice later so the hounds can’t smell me coming to raid the chicken coop. That’s my night, wanna hang?
Number 2 On Aisle Six
Do not, I repeat DO NOT talk to me about anything that involves your asshole. Was it that Pepto Bismol jingle where the actors put on a round gastrointestinal performance art that made this okay? I’m sorry you have an impacted colon, more sorry that I could ever express. There is no need to accost an innocent woman on aisle six to lament about your toilet troubles.
This, by the way is often an elderly male. They either can’t read the labels or can’t reach the product on the shelf. I graciously offer my services only to get caught in a discussion on how Grandpa hasn’t been able to ‘make’ for 5 days. A bit embarrassed, he may then recount tales of the B.M.s of his youth. This story, by the way, has a smell attached. In all seriousness his lower intestine is about to burst and send him flying around the dairy case like a punctured balloon. I can only hope it does so I have an out!
I wouldn’t enjoy a world where we felt we couldn’t make a casual exchange with the stranger next to us; but think before you speak, people! The conversation may end when you walk away, but you are leaving someone in your wake on the way out; and now THEY are the ones with the stomach ache!
Am I the only one still getting trapped in conversational nightmares? Or do you have a preventative measure/exit strategy to avoid them? What topics do you wish were left for the loved ones and out of public exchanges? Sex? Illness (bleecchh)? Politics? One friend says I have ‘kind eyes’, the other just calls me a ‘crazy magnnet’! What say you?
On 11/1/08 at 2:12 am
Meghan said:
Anyone want to hear about Children’s Tylenol suppositories? Or will a simple ‘Happy Saturday, kids!’ do the trick?
On 11/1/08 at 5:14 am
Jacqueline said:
Well, you can always fall back on Old Faithful: “Well, if you’ll forgive my not responding to that, I’ll forgive you for saying it to a complete stranger.”
On 11/1/08 at 6:29 am
Meghan said:
This is nicely put and I’ll have to make a note of it right now. I like it.
Always love to see you here, my dear!
On 11/1/08 at 1:40 pm
Carol said:
I like using my warped sense of humor in these kinds of situations. Something along the line of *giggling* while I say “wow.,..that is a personal thing to share. i’m not sure if you are seeking enthusiasm from strangers or want me to share my own personal sexcapades!
On 11/1/08 at 2:34 pm
Meghan said:
They don’t want to hear it from me…people that attack with these conversational tactics are on a one way road for sure…
I’m pretty sure if i try and hand it back in the future I might teach a lesson or 2. I just might do that.
On 11/1/08 at 8:08 pm
Carol said:
Nothing beats teaching a lesson with humor. It seems the lesson learned is in direct proportion to the degree you take them out of their own comfort zonw.
I respectfully disagree that TMI is a one way street. Sometimes it is simply an expression of unfiltered joy. Often it is someone reaching out for some kind of human connection. Yes, there are certainly selfish and self centered people in this world. My life lesson has been that self-expression has little to do with pure selfishness.
On 11/1/08 at 8:35 pm
Meghan said:
Maybe with a family expressing they are ‘trying again’ it is about unfiltered joy, but I have to argue the other 2 examples are not as such.
I had an exchange with Lori down below about the human connection factor…we have both had that experience. But we have also talked about life-dumping in this forum and my experiences lean to the side of getting dropped a bomb.
In random/brief social encounters I feel like we all have think before we speak. Even if you want to express your business, we don’t all want to know about it.
Reading the temperature of the situation is a tricky thing, but something you regard as personal should have a gauge attached. In my opinion.
On 11/1/08 at 7:25 am
Shawn said:
ooo I like that one.
On 11/1/08 at 7:54 am
Meghan said:
She’s a classy dame that Jaqueline…I might not be able to pull it off as well.
On 11/1/08 at 5:29 am
Jaime said:
You don’t HAVE to be a bitch to refrain from commenting on someone’s TMI overload. I like being a nice person, but when topics like religion come up it usually ends up in someone flaming be because of my beliefs (or non-beliefs, as it were). Any bodily functions are out of the question. I don’t want to hear about your heavy flow or bloody stool. I don’t want to know about your swollen sweat glands or the diaper you’re wearing. Do you want to know about all the sticky yellow phlegm I keep sucking out of my throat with the back of my tired tongue?
There are just some topics you DON’T take up with strangers, and you listed some damn good ones. I think I’m similar to you, where I just look nice and accepting so people think they can unload their deepest darkest secrets on me and I’ll just nod my head and smile. Sorry sister, you’re barking up the wrong tree. Look mister, I ain’t no doctor. Have you noticed, madam, that you’re revealing disgusting personal tendencies with a complete stranger? Wait a minute, let me pull out my handbook to see if this can be considered harassment. Just hold on…
On 11/1/08 at 6:36 am
Meghan said:
‘Wait a minute, let me pull out my handbook to see if this can be considered harassment. Just hold on…’
Hahaha! It feels like it, doesn’t it! Punishable by law!
I used to really get sucked into it when I took Public Transportation every day. Boston’s T (subway system) was a minefield for me. It was like a physical form of Twitter…microblogging your life to me in between stops!
Period talk is another one…I almost mentioned that!!
Some women act as if we are all part of this greater Bleeding Sisterhood. Don’t tell me you were running slow, Window Teller, because you have blood clots the size of golf balls!
On 11/1/08 at 7:01 am
Jaime said:
Preach on, Sistah.
On 11/1/08 at 7:20 am
Meghan said:
Actually, that should be my true plan of attack. Next time some stranger says something I find ridiculous I should give a one two punch right back…
‘You’re trying again? Oh, well then you obviously can’t point me to where they stock the rubbers around this joint. It’s Friday and the LAST thing I need is ANOTHER baby!’
On 11/1/08 at 7:28 am
Shawn said:
I have the exact opposite problem. I am a “casual” believer, but I have a rabid atheist “friend.” He is constantly proselytizing everyone around him to his way of thinking. A few people argue with him. Most of us just wish he would shut up already.
On 11/1/08 at 7:56 am
Meghan said:
I can’t wait to touch this topic…it’s coming up soon.
I don’t want anyone to force anything on me, religion, politics or even a bite of their favorite frickin’ cookie.
Back off already!
On 11/1/08 at 5:31 am
cigarsmokinglawyer said:
You’re dating a homeless guy?
On 11/1/08 at 6:38 am
Meghan said:
Hahahaha! Umm…no.
I gave him money once, ONCE and said something like ‘Stay Dry and be careful on the road like that, okay?’
He’s at a particular corner in Boston I drive by at least 4 times a week to go shopping. Almost always there. I don’t even give him money every time…just comes over and asks how I am.
The looks on the faces of the cars around us are pretty funny.
On 11/1/08 at 9:16 am
cigarsmokinglawyer said:
uh huh I am sure.
btw one to add to the list is one I heard last night. “I was twenty when I lost my virginity”. I am not sure how exactly that came up or why she thought I needed to know that.
On 11/1/08 at 9:41 am
Meghan said:
The Virginity Guy…us ladies get that one. Or at least I have in a bar before.
For some reason if a guy started ‘late’ they feel the need to share; like it makes them seem more attractive that they weren’t nailing anything within dickshot when they were 16.
I don’t get it?
On 11/1/08 at 6:14 am
Kiki said:
Hahahahahahaha…. sometimes though it’s not the strangers that bring up the oh-so-inappropriate topics of conversation. Picture the scene if you will: Nanny sat on playroom floor, playing trainsets with two delightful lil munchkins, when in walks Mom. “Oh and while you’re at CVS picking up Jimmy’s (name changed to protect the innocent child from future (inevitable) humiliation) Epipens for the allergy he doesn’t actually have, could you grab me a couple of tubes of KY Jelly. Not the fancy glittery kind just the regular will do.”
Um. Ok. Really?????!!!!! You are asking ME, your NANNY, to buy you a sex lubricant???? Ok. Well you realise I will never be able to look you in the eye again then. I did get her two tubes. And I also asked for (and got) a raise a week later.
On 11/1/08 at 6:44 am
Meghan said:
Hahahaha! It’s funny and true and I have been asked to purchase the same thing for my family!! Here is a recent shopping list for ya:
KY Jelly, Vaseline, and 10pk ept pregnancy tests!
Then I shall get into my single woman’s one car seat sleigh and drive off into the sunset without a ring on my finger.
But think of how uncomfortable those people in line would have been if I attempted to explain my cart to them…I know to keep my mouth shut.
On 11/1/08 at 7:03 am
Kiki said:
LOL I know, I just kept my head down and avoided the curious looks the old lady who always serves me in CVS was giving me.
I have yet to be granted the pleasure of having a carseat installed in my car, it’s not good enough for the little darlings to be chauffeured around in thank God.
On 11/1/08 at 7:21 am
Meghan said:
Just yesterday I had to buy tubes of Lotrimin as a cure for a baby rash…
Apparently I was going as the girl with the yeast infection for Halloween!
On 11/1/08 at 8:54 am
Kiki said:
Nice.
LOL.
On 11/1/08 at 7:32 am
Trista said:
Baby-making, religion and our buttholes. All things Karri and I talked about on the Eve-101 show.
If you have a problem M…just come out and say it. Don’t write a blog about us, sheesh!
On 11/1/08 at 7:59 am
Meghan said:
Hahaha..seriously…this has been an awkward few months with you gals
Not the same, you are not standing in front of me at a crowded Starbucks wiggling around asking if I know where the bathroom is because you have diarrhea!
On 11/1/08 at 1:53 pm
Trista said:
Yeah, diarrhea is one of those words I pretty much never want to hear. From anyone.
On 11/1/08 at 3:05 pm
Karri said:
Whoopsie.
Sorry T, I didn’t know. Although I’m sure that’s just one of the many things I’ve uttered that you didn’t want to hear.
On 11/1/08 at 3:06 pm
Trista said:
Someday I’ll show you the running tally…
On 11/1/08 at 3:12 pm
Karri said:
HAHAHAAA!!!
Ummm…someone over here in these parts has given me a “safe word” for when I get out of control.
It doesn’t work. At all!
On 11/1/08 at 11:52 pm
Meghan said:
Never meant to offend your sisterly boundaries…you guys have free reign in my book!
On 11/1/08 at 7:37 am
lisaq said:
Preventative measure #1: Never make eye contact. Pretend to be looking at something as you pass. Look at the floor. Look at your fingernail. Pick your wedgie. Read an old text. Whatever you must do to look unapproachable.
Preventative measure #2: Summon your schizophrenic alter ego and ask for their opinion. Be sure her response is full of paranoia and expletives.
Preventative measure #3: Begin cursing and jerking in true Linda Blair form. If you can spew some green goo, that would be fabulous too and, of course, much more convincing.
Okay so I’ve never actually used any of these but I’m thinking 2 and 3 could be hella fun…as long as you don’t get hauled to jail or the local sanitarium.
On 11/1/08 at 7:39 am
Trista said:
I’m pretty sure I’ve tried two at a party.
On 11/1/08 at 8:04 am
Meghan said:
I could rock two if I tried. I’ve also used my bluetooth before to make it look like I am on a phone call when someone is approaching and me thinks trouble.
On 11/1/08 at 1:54 pm
Trista said:
I should try that since my bluetooth is practically a permanent fixture on my head.
On 11/1/08 at 2:32 pm
Meghan said:
Same here. I’m always making it visible on the street so people don’t think I’m nuts…you know - before they approach me with some insane question.
On 11/1/08 at 8:02 am
Meghan said:
EYE CONTACT! Its my killer every time. Especially if the person trying to connect is really batshit and I can feel the room tense up waiting for something to happen…it’s inevitable…I will always look up and make eye contact. I need wear sunglasses more often.
On 11/1/08 at 7:50 am
~Lori~ said:
I don’t want to hear about someone I just met, sex life blatantly. A friend took me once to see a friend and her new baby, next thing I know, I’m holding this beautiful newborn only to have this total stranger come out showing us her new dildo! NM talking about how small her s/o was! Talk about feeling uncomfortable, sex talk is best left between CLOSE friends, tyvm. I won’t talk politics, to heated of a subject with people you know, nm strangers. Religion, oh…I have tendency to tick people off if they are trying to shove it down my throat. I’ll respect your beliefs, just don’t shove it down my throat.
People start talking to me, telling me how comfortable they feel around me, opening up. Sometimes it sucks, tmi, other times, it can be a good thing.
Example: I was at a club last weekend, went to the ladies room, when I came out, there was woman/shaved head, brushing a wig. Obviously, had few drinks in her, and starts apologizing to me. I told her she was fine. She kept rambling. I looked at her and asked, “Do you need someone to talk to?”, she asked me, “Would you listen?”, I said yes. She proceeded rather disjointedly talk about how the state pays for them to wear wigs, etc. After I let her vent, I figured out she had breast cancer, and felt that the wigs were provided because she felt they wanted her to hide her illness. She seemed so relieved that I understood. I proceeded to tell her, wear it if it makes you feel good, but if you don’t want to, (which she looked fine without, I mentioned), screw what others think. To be proud of the fact she is fighting it, plain and simple, she started to cry and thank me, asked her if she wanted a hug, she said yes. I never saw her again that nite, and boy did I need a drink after that one. But I really hope and believe that maybe I did some good for her soul.
Sometimes people are put in front of you for a reason, to you to help them and vice versa, even if it’s a brief moment in time.
On 11/1/08 at 8:10 am
Meghan said:
I hear you, Lori. After a severe info dump by an extremely casual acquaintance I might hear ‘I feel so much better, you are so easy to talk to!’
Meanwhile that’s because your lack of candor and consideration simply left me glued to one spot until your rambling finished.
Just like your experience in the club, I’ve had similar cases where I could sense someone just had the need to reach out, needed five minutes of my time - for whatever the reason. That I am completely okay with. In those instances I feel good about someone opening up to me…reminds us that we all need somebody, sometime.
On 11/1/08 at 3:10 pm
Karri said:
Oh, Gawd!
As you know I have no filter. And no matter how many times I get in trouble for sharing too much information at inappropriate times, I have yet to find a cure.
I might need a support group or something for this affliction.
On 11/1/08 at 6:02 pm
Meghan said:
Do you do it in line with strangers…or your peeps? I share tmi with my friends at the wrong moments, but they typically forgive my lack of filter. A stranger in line, not so much.
On 11/2/08 at 7:10 am
Matt. E. Warren said:
I’m trying again, to take a monster shit, and the good Lord willing, it will happen soon!
Can I get an amen? I’ll accept Pepto.
On 11/2/08 at 8:06 am
Meghan said:
Amen, brother…and GO STATE!
On 11/2/08 at 11:01 am
Wonderpanties said:
I can relate. I’m one of those kinds of people that tends to mingle wherever I am. One of my pet peeves though is when people catch me when I’m busy or in a major hurry. I drop subtle hints that I don’t have the time right now but they keep on blah, blah, blah-ing. Maybe I should start carrying a bottle of Imodium and a roll of toilet paper.
On 11/2/08 at 2:10 pm
Meghan said:
Nothing stops a rambling conversation better than ‘Sorry, do you know where the shitter is?’
Especially coming from a woman. I think I’ll use it just to see the look on a stranger’s face. Fight fire with fire.
Thanks for stopping by wonderpanties!
On 11/2/08 at 2:09 pm
The Striped Avenger said:
Em,
This is pure editorial genius. It just makes me wanna go grab a girl and talk about Jesus over a cup of Jo after a good ass-ripping colonoscopy.
Best,
TSA
On 11/2/08 at 2:13 pm
Meghan said:
I wonder if Proctologists advertise that way in the Yellow Pages?:
‘Come in for a good ass-ripping colonoscopy!’
Thanks again!
On 11/2/08 at 3:22 pm
The Striped Avenger said:
if not I bet they’re “still trying”.
On 11/8/08 at 8:37 am
Chris said:
I usually stop the Jesus Crispies (all burnt up with The Lord) right up front and offer them my standard deal:
If you can correctly answer three biblical questions, I’ll keep my mouth shut and listen to what you have to say. If you get even one of those questions even partially incorrect, you have to shut YOUR mouth and listen to ME tell YOU about MY beliefs. Deal? They ALWAYS accept. So…
Q1: How many apostles were there?
A1: 12 (I’ll also accept 13, as some folks count Mary Magdalene).
Correct.
Q2: How many Commandments are there?
A2: 10.
Correct.
Q3: How many animals, of each species, did Moses take on the ark with him.
They get that look of intense concentration on their faces. I repeat, slowly: How may animals, of each species, did Moses take on the ark with him?
A3: 2.
INCORRECT!
Yeah, one of each gender!
I didn’t know Moses had an ark.
Yeah, at The Great Flood.
No, that was NOAH, not MOSES. Now, let me tell you about MY religion…