Where My Strength Lies

“Be faithful in small things for it is in them that your strength lies.

~Mother Theresa

Since my very first days of blogging I have struggled to find a balance between being open and being discrete. It is not that I wanted to isolate myself from the people who were coming into my life via the Internet, but safety was a priority. So the challenge was finding that line between safe admission and too much information.

I have been completely honest and frank with virtual strangers about my feelings, emotions, and thoughts…that part was simple. In fact, baring my soul to strangers became a form of therapy to me. I gained and continue to gain much clarity through my writing and through my interaction with the Internet community that I have cultivated. However, I kept many of my most personal details hidden, letting only little snippets slide out on occasion. And I actually kept the biggest part of my life secret from my Internet audience for a long time:

I am a single mother.

Why did I keep quiet for so long? The reasons are countless. The main reason was simply protection…I started out blogging on a certain heavily populated social networking site and I was not about to expose them to all that. But here on my own site I want to do things a little differently. I want to talk about being a mom, and all the joys and grievances that come along with that. So now my new objective will be determining how to share my stories of them, while still sheltering and protecting them. I think I am up for the challenge.

Why now? Because I think the world needs more single moms lifting up their heads and raising their voices to speak out loudly and proudly. We too often get a bad wrap, and I for one am not going to stay silent anymore. Raising a child is the most amazing, frustrating, exhilarating, demanding and rewarding job in the world. Doing it with a partner is work. Doing it alone is…miraculous. We deserve to be treated with respect, just like every other classification of human being out there.

And while we are on the subject of respect, let’s get a couple of things straight…

1. If we are sexually active, this does not make us sluts. It makes us NORMAL human beings displaying NORMAL sexual desire. A friend of mine once said, “single moms aren’t sluts, they are on a time table!” and while she was joking, she made a point. We have PRIORITIES. We aren’t here to play games. We have something else to focus on and we aren’t going to waste our time trying to get you to chase us. That isn’t slutty, that’s efficient. Forgive us for having something better to do than play your silly little games.

2. Stop calling us MILFs! I have hated this term since the first time I heard it. Like its some amazing feat we have accomplished if we are still sexually attractive after giving birth. Here’s a crazy thought, instead of telling women with children that they are MILFs why not tell them they are, I don’t know…beautiful?! I don’t think I know one woman who wouldn’t like to hear that instead. (And ladies, if any of you actually find this term flattering, I am sorry, I find the acronym completely degrading.)

3. Women with children are not women with “baggage”. Once upon a time I actually dated a man (I use that term loosely) who told me he wasn’t sure if he could handle my “baggage;” he was referring to my kids. Does baggage mean something in my life more important that coddling your ego? If so, I guess I am guilty. Otherwise the correct term is CHILDREN. Their names are not satchel and carry-on.

It was a mother’s love for her children that kept me quiet for so long…

but now out of respect for my girls everywhere, I stand.

I hope you’ll stand with me.