While the cat’s away…

I’m not just from Texas, but from CATTLE COUNTRY. We have roast beef for Thanksgiving. And I’ll take left over roast beef over left over turkey any day of the week and twice on Sundays.

I would do anything not to have to sit next to my cousin, because she has no concept of anything outside of being a housewife/mom. Because she is infinitely material and superficial. Because she wouldn’t know what a sextoy was if it smacked her in the face. Because she thinks it is her mission in life to “save my soul” and change my wicked ways.

The one thing I am NOT grateful for this year is being coerced into answering what I want for Christmas. Why isn’t “Socks” an acceptable answer? I need them dammit!

I’m most grateful for my online family. This time every year I am reminded of how little my family knows about me, and how little they care to know. The fact that perfect stangers I met on the internet took the time to read and get to know me when my actual family could not be bothered to makes me all warm inside.

We don’t have Thanksgiving, but I’ll play anyway.

No quirky traditions, unless you count every male member of the family snoring in unison after the meal is finished. (I’m taking any family get together for this thing)

I don’t want to sit next to my SIL. She is immature and annoying and it would be best for family relations for me NOT to stick her head up the turkey’s arse a la Mr. Bean.

I am not grateful for the morons I work with, they make every day interesting with the constant trouble shooting, but I could do without having to calm down a customer due to a botched installation because our plant foreman doesn’t know how to read drawings and needs his ass sending back to Guyana.
I’m not thankful for head lice either.

I am most grateful for my wonderful daughter who reminds me everyday what a gift life is, no matter how many assholes you encounter.
I’m also grateful for the kickass boyfriend who sat for hours and picked my head for lice on Sunday evening after discovering the kid was infested. That’s love right there.

I was in New York for Thanksgiving in 2005, we ate from the time we woke up until the time we went to bed and then I saw snow for the first time. Nothing “outrageous” but the only Thanksgiving I partook of.

Ta-daaaaaaaa

My only holiday frustration this year was my kid’s dad whinning about not having them here. I’m not putting my plans on hold because he can’t get his mess together.

I’m most grateful that I will get to spend this Thanksgiving surrounded by family. That my son, who’s birthday is tomorrow, will spend the day snuggled in mommy’s arms while we drive to Houston. I’m just thankful for everything I have in my life, even the messed up parts, because they make me who I am.

I am also grateful that I don’t have to spend another Thanksgiving with the ex-in-laws. They’re loud, obnoxious and ignorant. Whew, glad to get that out of my system!

1) Your family’s quirkiest tradition is what? Not too sure we have a quirky tradition….not sure we HAVE a tradition at all!!!

2) You would do anything to not have to sit next to whom at dinner, and why? any of the kids…..I love them, but damn they have messy habits!

3) The one thing you aren’t grateful for this year?
BILLS and barely having the $$$ to pay them

4) You’re most grateful for what? FINALLY living on my property!!

5) You’re most outrageous Thanksgiving memory is? ‘losing’ my cousin in the woods around my grandparents’ house……what? not my fault he didn’t know what snipe hunting was!!! hahahahahaah

I’m most grateful that my former uncle and his side of the family will not be at Thanksgiving now that the divorce is final. Although that does ruin my immediate family’s tradition of making fun of my Aunt Donna’s hair. It got bigger every year, and so did she. ::snort:: The divorce also takes care of who I would hate to sit next to.

I feel bad for my aunt, but the family that is left is the family that I love. I’m grateful that they will be there and I’ll get to visit my cousin’s babies and get my fix for the year.

I’m also supremely grateful for my dogs. They are wonderful and adorable even if they have eaten most of my underwear (so you see what I would pick :P) And my sister - she spent several hours of her time last night tracking down some percoset for me. I hurt my neck and could barely move so it was much appreciated.

There’s not much that I’m not grateful for this year. Maybe my debt. I will never be grateful for that.

1) Your family’s quirkiest tradition is what?

Honestly, none. Everyone on my father’s side is now dead so there’s only my mom’s side to deal with, and on that side it’s just her. And I can deal with her pretty well from 3,000 miles away. MUCH better arrangement than when I was growing up and had to shuffle between a minimum of 2 families and their various dinners. Altho my aunt, on my dad’s side, used to make a drink called a Pink Lady that I used to love and I never learned the recipe for. Pretty sure the alcolhol was whiskey, but damn if I ever learned the rest of it. But they were awesome, and I always loved seeing my overly-God-fearing aunt kicking back with a few drinks!

2) You would do anything to not have to sit next to whom at dinner, and why?

My mom’s husband. He’s got the personality of a doorknob, and makes any kind of conversation you try to engage him in incredibly painful.

3) The one thing you aren’t grateful for this year?

My current financial status of dead freakin’ broke.

4) You’re most grateful for what?

The incredibly great group of dogs I currently have in my house. I’ve got 6 of the most amazing dogs who amaze me every day. If I had to pick 6 to keep forever and ever, these would be them.

5) You’re most outrageous Thanksgiving memory is?

Nothing terribly outrageous. Oh - spending it in a psych ward?? Does that count?

my most outrageous Thanksgiving memory is:

when my brother-in-law refused to take off his hat at the dinner table, so my old man said, “ok then”, and dropped trou in front of all of us and sat back down at the table.

apparently if you some wear hats, some *dont* need pants…

it was truly horrifying

I’m thankful that my daughter at age 30 finally found a boyfriend. They’re getting married in the near future. She kissed lots of toads. All these years she never had a long term boyfriend ever! She’s pretty, smart, very fun, and has a great career. I wondered why she was single for so long. Anyway, I feel she finally found the right guy.

Thankful that my youngest will be home tomorrow! I haven’t seen her in a few months. This has been the longest length of time away from each other. Its so fun to have her home and watching my two daughters laughing and joking with each other.

Thankful I met Meggers I truly am. I was so surprised when you said ‘I love you’ I made a joke about Benton Harbor! ha its pure ghetto in case you didn’t know that. But it was really sweet of you. I love spontaneity!

Thankful my husband is still working. I feel there are too many things to list that I’m thankful for.
One big one is that this is my fourth year cancer free! I go for my 6 month ck-up in Jan.

I don’t have any bad Thanksgiving memories, seems all the holidays are fun filled at my big family get together’s! Thanksgiving is just us four. Easter and Christmas everyone gets together!

I love you Meggers - Happy Thanksgiving girl
Love,
MyPN

I have chosen to answer several/all questions:

1. My family has no traditions… save not having traditions.
2. I would saw off my own gonads with a rusty nail file to not have to sit next to my Aunt Annie at Thanksgiving dinner. This woman is having sex with pecans… I mean she’s FUCKING NUTS!!! She needs to be on meds, bitches about life, derides everyone around her, and smells like a burnt ashtray. How appetizing!
3. I am not grateful for how poorly what’s left of my stock portfolio has done this year. Yeesh. I’m also not thankful for the case of hemorrhoids I got earlier in the year, which was actually so painful as to preclude sexual activity for a few days. I am further unthankful that, well… other than that, I live a blessed life. So, nothing else, really.
4. I’m most grateful that my family, my friends, and myself have all been healthy and happy this year.
5. My most outrageous Thanksgiving memory is when my sister died after Thanksgiving, 7 years ago.

Where are my panties?

Since my family is a bit dysfunctional, and not really fun to be around anyway, years ago I started the tradition of volunteering at one of the local orphanages. Sure, it may just be plopping a scoop of cranberry on a plate, but every time I see one of the hundred or so children that we serve smile, it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

After dinner, I’m lucky enough to lead my own group of twenty kids who I can play with and read a story to. This year should be extra fun, because one of the kids, little Joey, broke his leg trying to climb up to the treehouse I built for the bigger kids and of course that broke my heart to hear so I wrote a special story for him about trains and dinosaurs because little Joey really likes trains and dinosaurs. I even drew one of each on his cast. I just can’t wait to see the look on his little face. I only hope this year I can hold back the tears.

Do I win your panties?

On the fourth Thursday of every November 84 Million American Families will gather together….And wonder why.

1 - Thanksgiving is another excuse for my family to party, they make me seem quite tepid and conservative in comparison. It consists of Cousin Jan pulling up on the street in her BMW holding a huge jug of Tequila out the window shouting “Happy Thanksgiving!” And me mumbling, “oh here we go.” And my Aunts, Uncles and there Exes hovered somewhere in a corner outside with sunglasses on passing a joint around. Then as I stumble upon them with the words, “It smells like a rock concert out here.”, they proceed to swat the smoke away and pretend they weren’t up to no good and scatter. Then hours later, stoned and drunk on everything imaginable, they’ve all got there arms around each other on the sidewalk outside singing the Beatles, “Let it Be” at the top of there lungs so onlookers can enjoy.

2 – I would give anything to not have to sit next to a couple of the uncles as one of them drinks til he passes out, and the other is incoherent and makes no sense to me at all, and I’m not good at faking it, so I refuse to sit at the table. Oh! And Uncle Johnny who is so cracked out is just completely nuts now.

3 - I’m not grateful for feeling this way about them.

4 - I am most grateful for my family of friends who keep me sane as I peel away into a guest room to take their calls throughout the day repeatedly ranting, “Get me out of here before I dunk my head in the toilet.”

5 - Most outrageous Thanksgiving….besides the cousins doing it with each other in the bathroom? They all kind of blend into one another that I’m desensitized by any kind of outrageousness going on at this point. It’s just a very unusual day.

Phew! Just popping in, finally!

My family doesn’t have any specific traditions. Maybe since I haven’t been in Michigan for a Thanksgiving since 1999 their tradition is that I don’t show up until Christmas!

Thankful for so many things, too many too even write…

BUT because I’m feeling punchy I will announce I am thankful Britney Spears is now leaving her house with her OWN chonies on…TMZ was about to sell ad space on her vag.

Thanks, Brit Brit. Now go play with your synthesizer. Your voice is still recognizable when you ’sing’.