A Sure Thing
December 30, 2008 · Print This Article
1:15 a.m. - the music is pounding, the darkness will soon be illuminated and people are frantically attempting their last ditch efforts to hook-up for the night. So, why I ask do men feel the need to waste precious time and energy with pick-up lines? Is it such an age old tactic that it has yet to be replaced with brutal honesty? More importantly, why are women naive enough to fall for drunken compliments and promises of a future together? Truths be told, how many of us are really looking for our soul mate in a night club? C’mon we’re there to drink, dance, enjoy the eye candy and most often with the ultimate goal of not going home alone.
Ladies, wouldn’t you have much more respect for a man who would walk up to you and say “hey, wanna get out of here“? At the very least, he’s being honest and isn’t that what we all want? No assumptions, no grand gestures, just the truth.
Is all of this breath being wasted because men feel they need to shower women with compliments in order to get her naked for the night? Are these lines for his benefit or hers? She suddenly has lofty goals of being “the chosen one” and he gets laid. The fall out however is that she believed his lines; she convinced herself that his words meant more than just another one night stand. He on the other hand, said good-bye the next morning and more than likely never gave her a second thought. Sure, she found herself engaging in a late night sexcapade with the nameless stranger of the night, but would she have indulged had he been brutally honest?
This is such a dichotomy for some; one minute we say we want a relationship, yet the next we are willing to sacrifice our wants and needs in hopes that he really meant what he said in his early morning drunken stupor. Ladies, if you want to have your cake and to eat it too, be honest with yourself. Don’t complain that he never called you when you were foolish enough to believe his pick-up lines. If you simply want a late night romp, so be it. But, don’t convince yourself that you will be different or that it’s okay to have sex with a stranger and it will somehow, miraculously become all you’ve been dreaming of. Gentlemen, do us a favor, and stop preying on the weak, it only perpetuates insecurities. There are plenty of women who are willing to do the deed for the sake of doing it. Some of us want nothing more than a nameless partner for the night. Learn to read women. It doesn’t take a genius to find a “sure thing” without taking unnecessary prisoners.
As New Year’s Eve is rapidly approaching, will you be unloading an arsenal of B.S on unsuspecting victims, or fending off the vultures? Are you a master pick-up artist? If so, show us what you’ve got. What are the best/worst lines you’ve heard? And how do you like your eggs?
On 12/30/08 at 8:20 am
Brad K. said:
It is called ‘the highest bidder’. You are selling an invitation to your attention and your time. And maybe and invitation to something more.
There are precious few places and events where men go to hang out, hoping to get picked up. Mostly our culture has the lady saying, “I pick you.”
And there is competition. Guys like getting their ego stroked, they like thinking they ‘made the grade’ to get selected for the evening. And sometimes we would rather not go home alone, too.
The lines? What used to be euphemistically called “sweet nothings”? (What a pithy phrase that is!) That is the field of endeavor, where the competition, the evaluation takes place. Every word, gesture, hesitation, every nuance of body language or scent or pheromone reaction could cause a disconnect, a failure at the attempt to continue the effort.
When the accepted ritual includes lines and “promises you don’t intend to keep” (Disney’s “Beauty and the Beast” animated feature), that sets the stage for disappointment.
What about butting in with “Hold me!” Make your intentions and interest clear. If you aren’t impressed, or at least interested with full-body contact - move on with “Thanks!” for his attention, for his courtesy. And be clear with, “Sorry, not tonight!” Remember the moral of Shrek the Third, in the “Ladies, assume the position!” scene. Don’t wait for Prince Charming to solve the puzzle, find you, and rescue you from your predicament.
If you really want someone to come home to day after day, someone to build a home and life together with,then start out with respect and honesty. Start out away from places that liquor is served. And take the time to figure out which are the sweet nothings, and which are true.
On 12/30/08 at 10:22 am
~Lori~ said:
I don’t have much tolerance for men that come off like players. Pickup lines suck, a compliment that is genuine is more appealing.
It’s a matter of respect, if you treat me with it, you probably get the same in return, does that mean I didn’t pull the one night stand thing? Absolutely not. But few and far between usually after a bad break up, seems something that a lot of us do after being rejected or whatever. Thing is the ones lucky enough to get me… treated me with respect, I liked them as a person. No lame corny bs. Both very upfront about the whole thing. Fact is though, not something anyone should make a habit of, because the next day, you do that little “walk of shame”, for a tiny bit, and you are still alone. It is what is.
I don’t regret any choices I have ever made, but I know what I want for myself is not a series of one night stands, I’m worth a whole lot more than that and I know I deserve that and more.
As for worse pickup lines, there was guy I knew for years, even tried hitting on me when married. After my divorce, came up to me in a bar, flirting heavy, then leaned in, and smelled from the shoulder up, and said, “Oh yeah, I can smell you, I know what you need.” Meaning I was ripe for the picking after the divorce. I laughed, but took myself home… ALONE, thank you very much. ;p
New Year’s eve is going to be a stay at home thing for me, got my kids both with me, plus we have snow coming in, so I got a date with my kids, movies, and the Captain (Morgan) of course. I like it better that way.
On 12/30/08 at 12:28 pm
LivingWicked said:
I would much rather a man ask me to leave with him than pull some bullshit line out and try to woo me with cheese and wine.
Fuck. That. Noise. And, get out of my face.
Once, I had a douche-sicle come at me with some line about the stars in the sky matched my eyes and I literally spit my drink in his face because I was 1) loaded and 2) cracking the fuck up.
NYE is a pajama party at my place. 10 of us (ish) alcohol and party favors, noisemakers …. and good food.
Should be a good, safe time.
On 12/30/08 at 3:22 pm
Evan said:
I am going to ask every person I know if they ‘want to get out of here’ until the bar is empty! FUCKING EMPTY, I TELL YOU!
On 12/30/08 at 6:08 pm
Shawn said:
Wow, if only it were that easy (and I don’t mean sleazy). I am just dipping my toes in, after a divorce I didn’t want and a brief, scorching affair that ended too soon and badly. I consider myself good looking, if not in perfect shape (working on it); but I am at a loss as to how to deal with the club scene.
I realize that a dumb line is not the way to go, but this advice seems like it’s setting us guys up for failure. How many ladies out there would respond positively to this?
I agree with Brad. To a great extent it is the woman who gets to choose. I am sure that there is more than one lady yelling at the screen about having to wait for some guy to choose you and approach you. But from my perspective, it’s not hard to “choose” a girl; what *is* hard is mustering the courage to actually talk to her.
Ladies, if you are feeling rejected generally because no one talked to you tonight, think about how hard it is to be specifically rejected after building up the gumption to approach someone. Actually, approach him instead. The odds are far more in your favor, not because of numbers, but because of the nature of men.
(BTW, I have yet to figure out how to upload a picture of myself or my cat.) Tschüss
On 12/30/08 at 6:56 pm
The Striped Avenger said:
I couldn’t agree more. Oh yeah, LOL @ CAT!
On 12/30/08 at 7:19 pm
The Striped Avenger said:
and if you check back you can upload a pic by going to http://www.gravatar.com and registering. Upload your pic there. Then the next time you comment, by entering your email address it automatically pulls the avatar (your uploaded image.) It will also work on a number of other sites. pointlessbanter.com is one of them.
The URL is separate and you can link that to wherever you want.
Cheers,
TSA/Technical Support Associate
On 12/30/08 at 7:22 pm
The Striped Avenger said:
Go to gravatar.com and upload your pic there. By entering your email address on the comment form here, it will automatically put in your pic. Once you do that, your image will replace the blank photo in every comment you have ever posted here associated with the email address you have entered.
Cheers,
TSA/Technical Support Associate
On 12/30/08 at 6:50 pm
Topeka Stink Pickle said:
I’ll be spewing my pick up lines at ‘Miss Perfect for Tonight’, whoever she is, as many times as I can tomorrow night. Of course, I expect none of them will work except for on the lady that looks right out of Tales From The Crypt, so I guess I’ll be punching the bald clown once more…
On 12/30/08 at 6:58 pm
The Striped Avenger said:
From your commenting, I’m thinking it might be time for a masturbator’s anonymous meeting.
On 12/30/08 at 7:37 pm
Topeka Stink Pickle said:
That doesn’t mean a circle jerk does it? I prefer to hold those meetings alone…or with a craigslist hooker.
On 12/30/08 at 8:30 pm
The Striped Avenger said:
hahaha.
On 12/30/08 at 7:00 pm
troy said:
my best line is this: “Im only in town for one night, so can we just make this happen?” its guaranteed to get a laugh, and if shes down then all the better!
On 12/30/08 at 7:15 pm
The Striped Avenger said:
I do feel you are contradicting yourself by asking us to stop preying on ‘the weak’, when ‘the weak’, is also a ‘sure thing’. ‘The weak’, just represents one of many demographics of women who walk around with veritable bullseyes on their foreheads. Those weak girls have some personal issues to work out because if they didn’t want to go home with a guy, then they wouldn’t have left with them in the first place.
Suggesting we come up to you and say “hey baby, wanna fuck” is absurd. Would anyone really respond to that? If a girl ends up in bed with someone, unless she was slipped a mickey, she played just as much of a role in it as the guy did. Unless she said “no”, “stop”, or “I’m sorry, I don’t want to go home with you”, then she will have to live with the consequences.
I’m a guy. I’ve slept with a ton of girls. I’d also like to erase about 20 of them off of my list. There were anything from batshit crazy, ugly as hell, or fucked like they were a virgin who never watched a porno.
I took a girl back from a bar over to a house party. We were kissing at the party and when it was time to leave she said she wanted to come home with me. On our way out I realized how trashed she was. I knew she wasn’t in a condition to say “yes” nor would it have been very enjoyable. So I kissed her and stopped there. We woke up, and when she looked at me, her eyes bulged out of her head and looked around shocked. She blacked out. I told her that nothing happened and reminded her of everything. We ended up dating for a little while but it didn’t go anywhere.
The point being, I thought she was cute. I took her home. I wanted to fuck her. I didn’t because it wasn’t right to.
There is a reason I met all the ladies online… I hate bars and clubs. There is no more love to find in a bar than there is in a dumpster. Unless you’ve got a fetish for homeless people or are an Amy Winehouse fan as both can be found sleeping next to dumpsters regularly.
I agree that women should set reasonable expectations as to what they want to get out of a situation. Even if you take a guy home from a bar that sells $15 Martini’s, in all likelihood he’s still going to be an asshole. He’s just going to be a wealthy asshole. If you’re ever in Swampscott, MA I suggest stopping at the “Red Rock Bistro” for a $15 ‘tini. The “Happy Monkey” is delicious.
On 12/30/08 at 9:56 pm
Kel said:
If there’s some sort of chemistry going on, then just give me a look and say “let’s get out of here.” If that’s the first line out of your face, it’s not going to work, but if we’ve been talking / flirting / dancing / any or all of the above, chances are it will.