Who’s Robbing the Cradle Now?
July 31, 2008 · Print This Article
Welcome to “He said, She said”, where we take a common question or topic and see if members of the opposite sex can get on the same page, or if they’ll have to agree to disagree.
Today’s Topic: In the world of dating…how young is too young?
He Said:
How do I love thee barely legal girls, let me count the ways. 18 years old, 19 years old, 20 years old…
First and foremost, note the term “barely legal”, and understand how it keeps me out of prison. At 18, a girl is just barely legal, but legal nonetheless and I, as a law abiding citizen (and moral human being), would never cross the line defined by our society as acceptable. That said, let the games begin.
When I got divorced a few years back, and began man-whoring myself out to the general female population, I was determined to try everything, with everyone, of every age. And that I did. Eventually, I settled into a groove and dated (translation: fucked) almost exclusively between the ages of 19 and 24. It was, for a while, the most exciting time of my dating life. At that age they have a sexiness that only comes with youth. Tight, smooth bodies, enthusiasm for life, and an innocence that will subside with time, but is still intact. In many respects, being with girls that age made me feel young as well. And the sex well, it was incomparable. The willingness, eagerness to please, the focus on my pleasure, the constant desire, all together with the ability to turn me on with a look, can only be found in a hot 19 year old girl.
Like herpes, reality comes back around eventually.
At some point, as an intelligent, “normal” adult, I need a real relationship. A dysfunctional teenager, with more baggage than a cruise ship, is not exactly marriage material. Just her age alone is ultimately going to be a deal breaker. The fact that she’s dating a guy almost twice her age should be a good indication that she’s got “daddy issues”. Plus there are probably a few hundred other underlying problems you have yet to discover. If you’re like me, the fun and games end when the truth comes out, which it will. And you will see the folly of your ways.
Basically, dating young girls is fun. But so is eating a bucket of candy. Every so often, it’s nice to let loose and treat yourself to something you know is bad for you. Just don’t make a habit of it because eventually, the sweets, and the barely legals, will destroy what could have been a healthy heart. MILFS, here I come!
Maybe.
A premonition of Bad Ass Frank’s future? Maybe.
She Said:
Common sense tells us that if it’s illegal…it’s too young! If you could be mistaken for a parent… it’s too young. If other people are appalled by the fact that you get horizontal with your arm candy or suspect a monetary exchange…too young!
That being said, there is no denying that dating younger is exhilarating, intoxicating and empowering. Especially so for the 35-45 year old woman whose dating pool of men in our age bracket consists of those who’ve spent years neglecting their physiques, disgruntled divorcee’s with an insurmountable monthly alimony and child support obligation or attempting to wrangle the perpetual bachelor. Uh ya, no thanks! Personally, I’d much rather spend my time with a fun loving, sexually adventurous, vigorous boy toy!
By the time a woman reaches her mid 30’s she’s self sufficient, financially stable and has achieved career success. We’ve been around the block more than a time or two and learned that we don’t need a man to survive. We have day to day obligations that don’t need to be complicated by an over demanding relationship, and what better way to counteract those little stresses than with the likes of a modern day Adonis.
Perhaps I’m a bit of a hypocrite, but unless your last name is Hefner, I can’t help but wonder what kind of “Daddy issues “younger women have when they choose to bed a spare tire, follically challenged, sorry-about-your-penis sports car driving, little blue pill popping older man. I don’t even want to date them, and they’re my peers. Whereas men who chronologically date up get to experience not only a woman who is in her sexual prime, but with a good dose of frivolity sans immaturity and drama.
Power to the pussy, people. Power. To. The. Pussy!
Thankfully, the older woman - younger man scenario is not only becoming more popular, but socially more accepted. We’ve all heard the “C” word…and I don’t mean the 4-lettered one. Call it what you will, why should men be the only ones to reap the benefits of wrinkle free hard bodies?
Granted, at some point there is a distinct difference between hawt and hideous. Clearly aware of this fact I chose a magic number, an age that would simply be too young…29, no younger. And then along came 27 and I was forced to re-evaluate (and alter) my stance.
Too young? If I were a man, would an 11 year age gap matter? I think not.
What say you, kids? How young is too young? Is barely legal acceptable or is more than a decade robbing the cradle?
Today’s “He Said” was brought to us by none other than Bad Ass Frank himself. Master writer, I-TV host and all around swell guy. Go check him out here…you’ll be glad you did!
On 07/31/08 at 4:33 am
Cassie said:
I have ‘dated’ guys much younger than me and my real hang up came from the fact that they were my younger brother’s ages (one was 27 and one was 24–I was 32…NO, NOT AT THE SAME TIME, preverts). So that kinda made it a wee bit awkward in my head, but I got over it and the sex made it worth it. Just saying!!!
On 07/31/08 at 5:42 am
Karri said:
Guuurl…that’s only 5 years, you’re fine! But, I’m with ya on the quasi weird factor. My nephew is older than my last ex-husband. What? Don’t judge me.
On 07/31/08 at 6:02 am
Cassie said:
NOT judging…AT ALL!!!
do kinda think the ‘last ex husband’ part was pretty funny though!! hahahahah
On 07/31/08 at 6:16 am
Karri said:
The first one was younger also…just not as young…ha!
On 07/31/08 at 5:37 am
PrincessQ said:
I’ve always dated older…I cannot STAND guys my age (No offense…) I tried dating people my age…I really did but the thing is…the way my life is and the things that I have to deal with, guys my age don’t really comprehend. They’d rather have the girl that goes out to party every weekend or can do things spontaneously so I’ve always gotten along with older men better.
There is a “too old” and too young, for sure. I have my limit at 40…The guys I’ve dated in the last 3 years have generally been between 10-15 years older than me.
Come on. Guys are like 17 years old forever. So it’s me that’s robbing the cradle mentally…LOL
On 07/31/08 at 5:45 am
Karri said:
You have a point, but you aren’t a “typical” 20-something.
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What if you came across Mr. Spectacular, and he was say…43, would you bend your rule?
On 07/31/08 at 6:27 am
PrincessQ said:
It’s possible. I sorta kinda considered dating someone that was a little older than that. We did go on a few dates. HE had more of an issue with the age than I did and it started to bug me…Like, if we get along and I don’t have a problem with it, why keep calling me “kiddo”?
Dumbass…lol
On 07/31/08 at 6:36 am
Phoenix said:
Hahaha! “Kiddo”?!? Seriously?
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Yeah, thats not good.
On 07/31/08 at 6:40 am
Karri said:
YIKES!!! I’ve done that.
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Whoopsie!
On 07/31/08 at 6:52 am
PrincessQ said:
I don’t do well with guys who make a big deal out of my age and that “kiddo” brings back some bad memories. LOL
On 07/31/08 at 6:56 am
Karri said:
I wonder if BAF has nicknames for the young ladies he’s *ahem* spent time with?
On 07/31/08 at 7:04 am
Bad Ass Frank said:
I have nicknames for every person I’ve ever met. It’s funny, because many of them were bestowed upon the girls by my female friends. I’ve been meaning to write a blog about “Smore’s Girl”…
On 07/31/08 at 7:09 am
Karri said:
I’ll see your “Smore’s Girl” and raise you one “Jumbo Chalk Cock.”
On 07/31/08 at 7:20 am
PrincessQ said:
You guys can’t beat Ms. Chia Elf Flintstone
On 07/31/08 at 7:24 am
Karri said:
WHAT? That’s like three separate names all rolled into one. What the hell does that mean?! A short, hairy, clubbed foot?
On 07/31/08 at 7:30 am
PrincessQ said:
He called me a Chia pet because I’m a little hairy, Elf because one of my ears is pointier than the other and Fred Flintstone because I have big feet.
Lovely huh?
On 07/31/08 at 7:33 am
Phoenix said:
Okay, PQ, where are you finding these guys???
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I think it’s time for an intervention. :p
On 07/31/08 at 7:37 am
Karri said:
WHAT. THE. FUCK?
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That’s just rude! And yes, P, I see an intervention in her future.
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Was this simian older or younger?
On 07/31/08 at 7:38 am
PrincessQ said:
He’s older…and I’ve been “involved” with him for 3 years now…
He doesn’t call me that anymore but he used to back when we first “hung out” 3 years ago. He was good at trying to make me feel like shit about myself
On 07/31/08 at 7:45 am
Karri said:
Oooooh…well when you put it that way I can clearly see why you chose to stay with him. *sigh*
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PQ, we can all beat ourselves up, we don’t need anyone to do it for us. Please tell me things have gotten better. If not, I’m coming to kidnap you!
On 07/31/08 at 7:49 am
PrincessQ said:
They did for a while. We’re going through a rough patch right now, which is why I’m distancing myself.
The double edged sword is that we’ve never been in a “relationship” which is good when I need to be separate from him but it’s bad because I’m so hopelessly in love.
Maybe BAF can lead my intervention. He’s kinda…hot.
On 07/31/08 at 8:44 am
Karri said:
I have a feeling he’d be more than happy to deprogram you.
On 07/31/08 at 9:36 am
PrincessQ said:
Um. Have his people call my people. And by people, I mean hormones.
On 07/31/08 at 6:09 am
Meghan said:
I usually date older, but haven’t been age-ist since high school…even though those freshman twins were HAWT! At 30, I couldn’t date a man I couldn’t take out to a local bar, but I don’t exactly have 20 year old men beating down my door for me to make that decision.
If I find anyone that can handle me, they can ‘handle’ me!
On 07/31/08 at 6:20 am
Karri said:
An “age-ist” I love it! I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that more often than not when I date younger I’m the only one who has an issue with it. The mens don’t seem to care. You just wait a few years Meghan, the 20-year olds will come a knockin’, you’re just not old enough for them yet.
On 07/31/08 at 8:32 am
Meghan said:
I’m not so sure about much younger…I’m past the whole teaching my man the way around his dick, phase. Younger men often have younger women in their circle and after my last club trip I think most 21 yr old ‘chicks’ should take a brisk walk into traffic.
There is nothing menstrual about this comment what so ever. Yikes…
On 07/31/08 at 8:48 am
Karri said:
I think the key is eagerness and enthusiasm. The younger ones have yet to acquire the idiosyncrasies that often accompany the elders.
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Welcome to PMS week at Eve. Have fun and feel free to grab a cocktail and Midol on your way in.
On 07/31/08 at 1:00 pm
Rex said:
“I’m past the whole teaching my man the way around his dick phase”
Well I’m S.O.L.
On 07/31/08 at 1:45 pm
Meghan said:
That may have been harsh, I’m an excellent student trying to get a better grade…err Teacher.
On 07/31/08 at 9:30 am
Chris said:
If I knock on your door twice, does that count? Once for my first 20 years and again for the second?
On 07/31/08 at 1:46 pm
Meghan said:
I’ve had days I would just be happy if someone pretended they knew where I lived.
On 08/1/08 at 3:29 pm
Chris said:
Consider yourself (as they say in Germany) “knocked up!”
On 07/31/08 at 6:10 am
Phoenix said:
I’m 33.
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I have dated guys “old enough to be my father”, i.e. 19 years or so older (but they were the kind that took care of themselves).
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I have also dated guys that were “barely legal”, i.e. 19/20 years old.
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But I have never had a LTR/serious relationship with anyone that was more than 5 years in either direction. But not on purpose, that’s just the way it worked out.
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I think age is just a number. You should figure out what you like and look for that in any age. I don’t think there should be limits.
On 07/31/08 at 6:22 am
Karri said:
One time I dated a “Daddy” and I swore I’d never do it again. Perhaps he was a bad example, but it was hands down the absolute worst relationship ever!
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So, wait…how old were you when you dated the barely legals?
On 07/31/08 at 6:34 am
Phoenix said:
Oh, I didn’t have a “relationship” with the older guys. More like fuck buddies or friends with benefits. But, like I said these guys took care of themselves physically or it would have been a no-go. And there wasn’t any creepy “daddy” stuff going on (in or out of the bedroom) or it would have creeped me out.
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The younger ones, hmmm, I think the last time was when I dated a 19 year old and I was 30. The conversations about music were very interesting.
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Or at 31 I “dated” (and the term is used VERY loosely in this case :p) a 21 year old.
On 07/31/08 at 6:44 am
Karri said:
So we’re comparable, I was just older when the wee little whipper snappers came along. I kid, I kid! Oh gosh, I can’t stop.
On 07/31/08 at 6:58 am
Bad Ass Frank said:
Do two 19-year olds count as one full sized adult? If so, I’m back in my own age range.
On 07/31/08 at 7:08 am
Karri said:
A full sized adult, really?
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Oh, we have so much work to do!
On 07/31/08 at 7:20 am
Rico007 said:
They’re legal. Fuck it.
Take that as you will!
On 07/31/08 at 7:29 am
Karri said:
If there’s grass on the field, play ball?
On 07/31/08 at 8:07 am
Trista said:
I’m really sick of that phrase…there is grass on the field around 12 you know…just sayin’
On 07/31/08 at 8:21 am
Karri said:
My Momma always said to “get ‘em young and train ‘em.”
On 07/31/08 at 8:24 am
Trista said:
Do you want to deal with puberty again?? I don’t! When my kids hit that age I’m shipping em to grandma.
On 07/31/08 at 8:34 am
Karri said:
And when my future offspring hit that age, I’m sending them off to Auntie Trista’s!
On 07/31/08 at 12:58 pm
Rex said:
You better literally get your ass in gear then!
On 07/31/08 at 2:23 pm
Phoenix said:
REX!!!!!
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You misused “literally”! You know that always gets me going!
On 07/31/08 at 2:44 pm
Rex said:
…sexually? So much for being platonic.
On 07/31/08 at 7:19 am
Jime said:
This post makes me feel old. I hate falling into a category, or being put into a box, because then my importance becomes less about who I am and more about what range I fall into.
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This “age issue” is something I never think about. I tend to get to know a person’s character first and don’t pay much attention to age. Later I say, “What? You’re 15?”
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Juuuuust kidding. Hahaha.
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The longest and most serious relationships I’ve had have been with women my own age or a couple years older than myself.
On 07/31/08 at 7:34 am
Karri said:
Honey, I don’t like it any more than you do! Seriously, I couldn’t even type out the “C” word. I was shocked and horrified the first time someone informed that I had been put in such a box…pfffft!!! Not that I felt any less important, but more precisely because I envisioned a 60 year old woman sipping Bourbon while chain smoking and attempting her darndest to be 35. Oh, gawd! If I’m not careful…
On 07/31/08 at 8:08 am
Kevin said:
I’m picky about a lot of things, age just isn’t one of them, however I always recommend if you’re seeking something more in the serious territory aim over the age of 25. If it’s a generational gap that’s pushing it, but then look at Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart, we all made fun of it and they’re still together, no ones talking about it anymore. I happen to personally think that Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher look hot together. My dad and his girlfriend have a fifteen year gap between them and have been together for just as long. It’s really a case by case basis, I think if you can get it good for you, but don’t expect something serious from a barely legal, but sometimes it just might be what the doctor ordered. Those I’ve dated that have been around my age seem to have some kind of weird competition thing, they don’t go that extra distance to connect. Most of the time for me age is irrelevant, but there have been cases where I’ve said, “Wait you’re what? Let me see your I.D.” Yes, I’ve carded a few people.
Here’s some fun dialog from “How Stella Got Her Groove Back”, Stella, played by Angela Bassett, who is hot and 40-ish, on vacation, and dealing with a hot 19 year old chasing her around the island, she tells her friend, “What am I gonna do with a 19 year old?” Her friend says, “Fuck him. If you don’t. I will.”
On 07/31/08 at 8:14 am
Karri said:
It’s no secret that I rarely watch movies, but I did love me some Stella! Hmmmm…early mentor?
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Why does it not surprise me that you’ve carded your dates? HAHAAA! Nice!
On 07/31/08 at 8:23 am
Trista said:
I’ve gone as many as 10 years in either direction. Personally I didn’t enjoy the older men…they seemed to be hung up on the gap. If you keep telling someone they are too young for you, they will eventually listen.
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Now I am happily involved with a man 6 years my junior. He makes me feel young, but I think it has more to do with his spirit than his number.
On 07/31/08 at 8:40 am
Karri said:
Monkey bars and ninja turtle masks have that effect on a girl.
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We should all embrace our youthful spirit more often and if dating someone younger encourages us to do so, all the better!
On 07/31/08 at 9:01 am
lisaq said:
Obviously anyone who knows me, knows I date younger. I don’t have an issue with barely legal. My daughter, however, does so she and I have come to an agreement about just how young mommy’s allowed to date. Okay, not so much an agreement as mommy respects her daughter and has set some guidelines so as not to make her uncomfortable.
That being said there is the 1/2 your age plus seven rule which is supposedly the guideline for socially acceptable. Take the age of the older person, divide it by 2 and add 7 to get the youngest dating age not looked down on by society. So, for example, me being 45 (closer to 46), I divide by 2 and get 23. Add 7 and a 30 year old should be my rock bottom.
But really it’s whatever. It still boils down to more than just age. More important than the years two people happen to have been born in is the way the interact with each other.
On 07/31/08 at 9:45 am
error19 said:
I definitely agree on that last paragraph. Just because someone is more than a few years your junior or senior shouldn’t rule them out if they’re completely amazing. Some things just fit and for a number to rule that out is just ridiculous.
On 07/31/08 at 11:11 am
Karri said:
Thanks Lis for pointing out the 7 up/7 down rule. I became aware of it during the same conversation that enlightened me to the term “cougar.”
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What I’d like to know is who came up with these asinine rules? I’m hedging my bets that it’s the same people who made up the 3-day calling rule…pfffft!
On 07/31/08 at 9:23 am
Svaha said:
hmmm, a few comments . . .
~ I’ve heard a good rule of thumb is half your age plus 8 is the ‘minimum’ that is ’socially acceptable’. Works somewhat I guess - 20 year old with and 18, no problem. 70 year old with a 42, ummm, maybe if she’s rich and getting ready to kick.
~ barely ‘legal’ is relative. In the US the age of consent ranges from 16 to 18, but is 14 for females in SC (boys have to be 16). In Mexico it’s 12. Not that I’m advocating anything, just stating some creepy facts.
On 07/31/08 at 9:36 am
Chris said:
Actually, in Pennsylvania and Hawaii, the age of consent is 14.
On 07/31/08 at 11:03 am
Karri said:
Can we get a resounding…”eeeeewwwwww!!!”
On 07/31/08 at 9:37 am
Chris said:
Drat! I wanted to be the 10,000th comment! [heavy sigh] Well, congratulations on 10,000 comments, anyway!
On 07/31/08 at 11:04 am
Karri said:
WHEEEEEE!!!
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I wasn’t even aware that it was coming up, thanks for keeping on top of the important stuff around for us!
On 07/31/08 at 9:46 am
Chris said:
Now, for my actual comment…
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In my life, I have dated as much as 16 years older than I… I don’t know what the range is for younger, but it’s not 16.
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At this juncture in my life, I would probably go up to 22 years younger (at least, for a casual fling). I am undecided as to how much older. Right now, though, of all the women I find myself “interested” in, my favorite (by far) is 43… a mere three years older than I.
On 07/31/08 at 11:08 am
Karri said:
43, eh? There are always exceptions to the rule, but in my experience, it’s rare to find a 43 year old man that isn’t toting an entire set of Samsonite behind him. Now we ladies of course, just get better with age…lucky you!
On 07/31/08 at 12:20 pm
Svaha said:
Samsonite set? pppbbbbttt! I’ve got my baggage down to what I can carry in a brown paper bag.
On 07/31/08 at 4:50 pm
Karri said:
I am very proud of you m’dear! Well done, well done indeed. You wanna’ go write a manual on that now?
On 08/1/08 at 3:26 pm
Chris said:
Oh, I expect a checked bag or two… I have a couple of my own. We’ll deal with them as a team… as a couple.
On 07/31/08 at 10:15 am
Carol said: