Why you should be dying to date me
March 31, 2008 · Print This Article
I recently attended a family member’s wedding and reception with my kids and I came to a couple of realizations. ( Well many actually, including the fact that I have now become one of those people that cry at weddings…what the hell? Oh, but that isn’t what this blog is about, so let’s just pretend that little confession didn’t happen and move on, kay?)
First:
If I were a lesbian, I would be swimming in potential dates, because my boys are chick magnets! Seriously…at the reception I was practically beating women off my children and half fearing someone was going to steal one of them and take them home.
Second:
My boys are not man magnets. This was the first wedding I have ever been to at which I was not propositioned or approached by a man. Ever. (Including my own. Don’t ask, it’s a looong story.) So what gives? I am no rocket scientist, but I am thinking it might have had something to do with my constant short side kicks. (Either that or I am not aging well, and I refuse to believe that since I was recently told I was aging like a fine wine. That is a compliment, right? Damn, I’m digressing again, moving on…)
As a single mother, I have heard all the excuses…all the reasons why I am just “undateable.” Blah, blah, baggage, blah, blah, used goods, etc, etc. Well, I’ve got news for all you so called men out there. You should be falling all over each other trying to date me, and every other single mother worth her salt out there, and here are some of the (many) reasons why.
1. Single moms are strength incarnate. They are doing the job of two, alone. You can rest easy knowing that the little bumps on the road of life are not going to derail this woman AT ALL. She doesn’t need saving, she simply enjoys your company. Novel concept!
2. Single moms are responsible. They will not share their time and their lives with just any man. So, if she decides to date you, you get to feel special and EXTREMELY lucky. They also tend to care more about the value of their chosen companion’s conversation than the value of their chosen companion’s car, so you can stop all the false posturing bullshit and just be yourself. Again, novel, I know…
3. Single moms are independent. They aren’t going to expect you to be their life, they already have that covered. Nor are they spending time with you out of an innate need to not be alone. They are seekers of quality time over quantity. Any mature man should desire that over a silly young thing who wants you to fill her hol, err, I mean VOID.
4. Single moms have outgrown excessive partying. They aren’t out dating ten other guys, they don’t have the time. And you probably don’t have to worry about them going out and drinking so much they forget who they are, who they are dating and where they parked their cars.
5. Single moms have discovered the key to happiness…love. And finding that makes you an infinitely blissful person to be around. Spend some time watching a mom and her kids…and you’ll understand. There aren’t many things in this world more beautiful than a mother basking in the loving glow of her children.
So that’s just five of the plethora of reasons why single mothers are not only datable, but desirable.
Besides, they make the best spaghetti on earth. Or at least that’s what my kids say about me…
Now, it’s share time. Do you guys date single parents? Why or why not? If you are single parent, what are some of the challenges you have encountered? Honest and open, guys, I would expect nothing less of my people!
On 03/31/08 at 2:07 am
Rex, Single Mother Magnet said:
I caught the attention of a young single mother once. She had a two year old son. I had no problem with it. It’s the UNBORN CHILD SHE HAD GROWING WITHIN HER that I was worried about. Holy fuckballs, what a situation that was.
But that’s a tale for another time.
Single moms, for all the positive qualities you’ve mentioned, still are damn picky. There have been few I had taken serious interest in but almost always I’m brought back to earth because of the age issue.
Maturity isn’t an issue.
Potential is fine.
The economic situation is iffy, but whose isn’t nowadays…
I’m still too young in their eyes. meh.
On 03/31/08 at 5:50 am
Trista said:
Yes, we are picky. Because we need to be. It’s not just about our best interest anymore.
Dating a pregnant woman…wow. I would not have WANTED to date when I was pregnant! I could hardly tolerate my husband! Of course that might not be saying much…hmm.
On 03/31/08 at 7:58 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
“Dating a pregnant woman….”
That reminds me of my last night in California. Me and boys were drunk as hell and Runway moms comes on. That started one of my favorite 3 hour periods ever!
On 03/31/08 at 8:00 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
oops, me and THE boys.
On 03/31/08 at 9:53 am
Rex is NOT the father! said:
HEY. I didn’t know she was with child. She told me on the second date. Coincidentally, the second date’s usually the make-or-break moment for me. Anyways, I’m thinking “What the FUCK? Shouldn’t you be, I don’t know, NOT DATING and be more concerned with the way you’re living your life???” Cripes.
But of COURSE I understand it’s not about your own interests anymore. It’s just weird that I can get along famously with a woman’s child(ren), the family animals AND her parents (if I’ve met any or all) …but then the “age thing” comes up if it gets serious.
I tend to be the one who puts it on that level, fyi.
On 03/31/08 at 1:36 pm
Trista said:
Wow…that is craaaazy.
When you say you put it on that level…you mean you are the one that wants things to get serious?
On 03/31/08 at 2:36 pm
El Vic-o Grande said:
Funny, you’d think he’d be a mite bit green to be rushing on the ankle shackles…
On 03/31/08 at 3:08 pm
Rex said:
What can I say… I’m family-oriented.
Plus I’m too old-fashioned for my own generation. I relate better to the preceding one.
On 03/31/08 at 3:14 pm
Trista said:
You shoulda been a boomer.
On 03/31/08 at 3:26 pm
Old Man Rexlor said:
Not THAT old, dorkus malorkus.
On 03/31/08 at 3:30 pm
Trista said:
Come on! 2.5…the white picket fence…the grey flannel suit…
okay, mayhaps not.
On 03/31/08 at 2:13 am
Rex said:
Oh yeah. You forgot this:
6. It’s apparent single moms know how to have sex.
On 03/31/08 at 5:50 am
Trista said:
Yes, but I thought that one was too obvious.
On 03/31/08 at 9:54 am
Rex: Master of the Obvious said:
Some dudes still think babies come from cabbage patches (depending on how young you venture into the dating pool).
On 03/31/08 at 1:37 pm
Trista said:
I like to believe mine came through the wonders of immaculate conception myself.
On 03/31/08 at 2:37 pm
El Vic-o Grande said:
Dude, that’s like hanging outside an abortion clinic to pick up chick ‘cuz you know they put out…
On 03/31/08 at 3:27 pm
Silent Rex said:
OK, Jay. I MEAN! Vic.
On 03/31/08 at 4:17 pm
El Vic-o Grande said:
I love that you get me.
Wanna get married and have 2.5 kids?
On 03/31/08 at 4:34 pm
Rex moved to Vermont... with his "partner" Vic said:
OK.
But how are we gonna get away with cutting a kid in half?
On 04/1/08 at 4:40 pm
El Vic-o Grande said:
We’ll do it with a diamond saw. Less messy that way.
On 03/31/08 at 5:54 am
Endy said:
YES ! Single moms are often hot and balanced. If they aren’t, problems are easier to spot.
On 03/31/08 at 6:05 am
Trista said:
Yes, I do admit that there are those that are probably a mess…but they were obviously a mess before the kids. Parenthood itself does not make you “undateable.”
On 03/31/08 at 2:39 pm
El Vic-o Grande said:
Unless, of course, the kid is a young teenager and an absolute asshole. But, this is generally indicative of mommy being an enabler and being codependent… which you’d generally want to avoid anyways.
On 03/31/08 at 3:20 pm
Trista said:
Aren’t most teenagers assholes?
On 04/1/08 at 4:43 pm
El Vic-o Grande said:
I wasn’t. I was quiet, polite, respectful, smart, a good student… then I turned into a raving addict.
Is the asshole kid preferable in that regard?
On 03/31/08 at 5:56 am
Maggie said:
(Remember me?)
You are exactly right in all cases. I am probably the only weird one in that I didn’t want to be dated, and here I am waaaaaaay the heck old and I still don’t. But I’ve got this guy following me around saying all the little shit like the mastectomy scars and all, don’t matter. He’s invading my space.
Boys.
Ew.
Trying to catch up - glad to see this site. You’re marvellous, but then you should know this by now.
On 03/31/08 at 6:09 am
Trista said:
Hi! =)
Actually, I am at that “don’t want to date” point as well. I simply don’t have the time to invest in another person. Between work, school and kids…I am spent.
But the way I was ignored at the wedding did give me pause, because it really was a first for me.
On 03/31/08 at 10:00 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
You have BOB, do you don’t need to date. The unfortunate downside is intelligent conversation seems limited that way!
On 03/31/08 at 1:40 pm
Trista said:
And THAT is where my girlfriends come in.
Yeah…I know I don’t need to date, nor do I even have time. But a girl likes to still feel desirable, and the wedding reception did not provide me with that AT ALL. Perhaps I am starting to give off that “I don’t need you” vibe. Uh oh…
On 03/31/08 at 4:45 pm
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
I don’t get that “I don’t need you” vibe from you. You usually give off that “I don’t want you right now, talk to me later” from you.
Of course, if I wasn’t married I might feel differently. After all, you don’t want me right now, I am married, and we all know your feelings on cheating spouses, right? But what do you do about people in open relationships? Still no, right?
On 03/31/08 at 9:07 pm
Trista said:
No, no cheating spouses for me, thanks. Had it happen to me, wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.
Open relationships are okay…for some. I just don’t think they are for me.
You are in one, or no?
On 04/1/08 at 6:22 am
Balancing Good & Evil Daily said:
No longer. We were open for a long time, but now that the kids are getting older, we decided it was time to end that.
On 03/31/08 at 5:57 am
El Supremo said:
Someone needs to teach you how to launch external links in a new window.
On 03/31/08 at 6:03 am
Trista said:
What did I do? It’s early…I’m not really awake yet…
On 03/31/08 at 6:08 am
Sarahh said:
I was a single mom, and single woman, for 4 years. It sucked. Mostly because on my every other weekend I would go out and guys dug me when I was out. But when they realized oh yeah, she DOES have a kid, which I make EXTREMELY CLEAR before even talking to anyone they headed for the hills.
“I like you a lot, and I respect what you are doing so much, but I think that I am not in a place where I am looking for a relationship, I mean if I were wanting to get married, you would be the one”
I hated that. Got that about 4 times.
But truth to be told it was a blessing in disquise. They didn’t want to jerk around a mom. In hindsight I appreciate it. But my single self had decided before one Vic came into my life. I would be single until the little one became at least 17…
And oddly enough, I was ok with that…
On 03/31/08 at 6:15 am
Trista said:
<----- staying single for awhile. And absolutely ok with it.
I was told by a rather charming gentleman once: "You are hot and fun to be with, but shit. I am not looking to be a baby daddy." Ew. Last time I checked I wasn't looking for a baby daddy either. But thanks for letting me know you've already shoved me in the stereotypical "needy single mommy" box.
Yeah...
On 03/31/08 at 6:58 am
Sarahh said:
Why do people have to be so damned dumb? Why is it automatic that a single mom is out looking for a daddy?
I don’t need your money, your daddying skills, your house, your car, whatever. I just want to have a nice time with a man who is normal.
Who knew that could be so damned hard?
News flash boys, most of us aren’t looking for shit. I had men accuse me of dating them for their money eventhough I would pay for everything on my own. I don’t want your money!
If I did I would date someone with more of it.
Just sayin’ Your 50,000 barely supports yourself. I am doing just fine with what I have earned…
This is a hot button point for me if you haven’t noticed.
On 03/31/08 at 7:55 am
Trista said:
“News flash boys, most of us aren’t looking for shit. I had men accuse me of dating them for their money even though I would pay for everything on my own. I don’t want your money!
If I did I would date someone with more of it. ”
WORD. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Give me some credit! If I was looking for a father figure it wouldn’t be YOU…sorry, boys.
On 03/31/08 at 8:50 am
Sarahh said:
Ok, with all that being said and I meant it WHOLE HEARTEDLY.
I do have a Hypocritical Hazard Warning. An HHW if you will…
I never wanted to date guys with kids.
THE SHAME…. But it is true. I have no desire to deal with ex wives. The kids weren’t the issue. I have seen too many woman fuck with men until they are shallow buckets of spineless mentally exhausted goo. Thanks. But no thanks.
Hypocritical, table for one?
On 03/31/08 at 1:41 pm
Trista said:
Really? Interesting. So if you had met a fantastic WIDOWER with kids B.V. you would have gone for it?
On 03/31/08 at 3:22 pm
El Vic-o Grande said:
For sure. Or one who could convince me that he and the ex have a good or at least civil relationship. I dated a guy who had me and him under survellance (SP??) Video. Followed us. Sat at the booth behind us at dinner.
HELL.FRUITY.PEBBLES.NAH
On 03/31/08 at 3:23 pm
El Vic-o Grande said:
Oh that is totally me Sarahh, Vic forgot to log out.
See, that is how rumors get started.
On 03/31/08 at 3:28 pm
Trista said:
hahahahahahaaaa. It’s the Vic-Sarah monster! I knew it!
And okay, surveillance? Yeah, I don’t think I could hang with that. Unless the sex was life-altering good…maybe then. But probably not.
On 03/31/08 at 2:40 pm
El Vic-o Grande said:
Someone actually said that? I hope you hit him with a frying pan.
Or a Toyota.
On 03/31/08 at 3:17 pm
Trista said:
He was lucky…he said it on the phone.
On 03/31/08 at 4:19 pm
El Vic-o Grande said:
You should have left a burning bag of poo on his doorstep.
On 03/31/08 at 4:30 pm
Trista said:
A burning DIAPER of poo! Bwahahahahaaaa…I wonder if I still remember where he lives…
On 03/31/08 at 7:00 pm
troy said:
what a fucker!
want me to beat that guy up?
On 03/31/08 at 8:27 pm
Trista said:
Yes! =)
I kid, I kid. The fact that you are willing to is enough.
On 03/31/08 at 6:40 am
Dillon said:
I have dated a single mother before. I really liked her, too. It was kind of a long-distance thing, though, and in the end it didn’t really work out.
On 03/31/08 at 6:43 am
Trista said:
But it was the distance thing that ended it, rather than the fact that one of you was a parent, correct?
On 03/31/08 at 10:27 am
Dillon said:
Well, the fact that she had a kid prevented her from moving anywhere so, in a way, it was both.
On 03/31/08 at 1:42 pm
Trista said:
So then what prevented YOU from going towards HER if she had a location issue?
On 03/31/08 at 6:41 am
mel said:
Being a single mom myself w/ 2 kids and Im in my mid 20’s. I am looking for someone to have fun with. Not really to date. Just when I have free time hang out, we go out get a beer, just talk about grown up stuff. I am SO not looking to find a daddy for my kids, and really I’m almost afraid to get married.
On 03/31/08 at 6:47 am
Trista said:
Exactly. Grown up conversations…grown up activities…for when you have some time for it.
And yes, I can relate to the fear as well. Things that would have never bothered me about men pre-kids give me great pause post-kids. That’s why I find it laughable when men I meet voice the fear of single moms trapping them into joining a ready-made family. Don’t flatter yourself.
On 03/31/08 at 8:00 am
mel said:
To me, and I maybe wrong, but men seem to have it easier than us women, on the dating and being a single parent. At times I dont like how easy they have it.
On 03/31/08 at 8:09 am
Trista said:
No, I agree. If they stay in their kids lives they are a hero, whereas moms just HAVE to, otherwise they are a wretched miserable person. And single dads are seen as sexy, single moms are seen as weighed down. The double standards abound.
On 03/31/08 at 8:43 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
I have to dissagree. My little brother is a single father and he hasn’t really dated much. And he’s RAISED my nephew since two months old. No one calls him a hero and he feels HE has to be in his sons life. Maybe I should tell him to move to where ever you live. Trust me, men still think your sexy. Maybe they didn’t approach you at the wedding because, you look so good, they thougt no man would be stupid enough to let you go. Or they assumed you were with someone already. Enough compliments, or should I keep going?
On 03/31/08 at 10:29 am
Trista said:
I am a woman. You simply cannot compliment us too much, as long as the compliments are sincere.
I know so many guys out here who walk around all puffed up and proud for playing daddy every other Sunday. They show up with a new toy, take the kid to the park, and get to be “the fun parent” while mom is left to dole out chores, nag about homework, wipe away tears and clean up barf…you know, the unglamourous but completely necessary part…the PARENTING part. And girl think, “awwwww…he’s a daddy…how cuuuuute!”Yes…I am bitter, just slightly.
Tell your brother he is MY hero.
On 04/1/08 at 6:25 am
Kevin said:
Have to agree with Hater, here. There is a VERY strong possibility of guys at those functions feeling more intimidated by you… or just more of the type of guys who couldn’t pull the trigger that day. Who knows? This glass-half-full approach happens WAY more than you may think.
And this comes from personal experience. Sometimes I’m “in a groove”, feeling on top of the world, and able to woo the panties off a menopausal nun. Other days… just not feelin’ it, and am just on cruise control. And of course, those days, I feel like kicking myself later for missing out on something possibly wonderful.
On 03/31/08 at 7:03 am
Carol said:
Going to play devils advocate here…
I do know single moms who party like rockstars at every (too many) opportunity, don’t know how to cook and they make me feel sorry for their neglected kids. They are not strong,they are needy and all too anxious to find a man to fill their ho—, I mean VOID. They come in EVERY age, so there is no discrimination.
Those are the single moms who give the rest of us who do match your list a “bad” name. If I were a man, I would totally take a step back and make sure what type of single mom I was dating. But, fuck,I would make sure of what kind of ANY woman I was dating, too.
To be fair, I applied the same checklist against every single father I ever dated. Are they anxious to get a sitter on “their” Wednesday night visit to date me? If so, NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!! Do THEY party like rockstars at every opportunity or are they cool with living real life like real people?
You make me think…and write…and I’ll be talking about this one today!
On 03/31/08 at 7:52 am
Trista said:
That’s why I added the line : Every single mother WORTH HER SALT. Because sadly, not all of them are. But like I said in one of my comments above, those moms were a mess pre-parenthood, and they couldn’t or wouldn’t clean up their act for their children. Sad, but true.
On 03/31/08 at 7:53 am
Hater of the Year! said:
The couple times I’ve dated single moms they’ve been a mess. The first I won’t mention because I was too immature to invest time into “grown up” conversation(Her daughter LOVED me though). The second seemed to use me as a release to vent about her baby’s daddy. Then when I tried to get her to smile she’d flip out because she “didn’t need me to cheer her up!” She went as far as screaming at me for paying too much attention to her son one day!?!? I worked at a community center at the time, and I was basically the human jungle gym(I love kids!). Do you know how frustrating it is to get along with children then have them ripped away from you? Hell, my nephew is a Star Wars fan because of me. How many 4 year old correct their dad’s “That’s not a snow horse, it’s a TAUN TAUN daddy!” The kid’s five and watches Episode 3 EVERY mourning! But I digress. From my experience, single moms are just as messed up as single women. And yes little boys are chick magnets. Especially if they have hazel eyes and act shy. My nephew has scored me more then a few women.
On 03/31/08 at 8:07 am
Trista said:
“From my experience, single moms are just as messed up as single women.”
I feel like a broken record here…but some women are just going to be messed up…kids aren’t a quick fix for those suffering from arrested development.
But if you are a true mom…you are a damn catch.
On 03/31/08 at 8:22 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
Yes I read that. But only after writing my little piece. You probably are a damn fine catch. But I only eat MY momma’s spaghetti. My brother is a single father and he doesn’t really date much either. It’s funny because he says the only reason I’ve gotten numbers when I was with “the Monster”(he came up with this nickname) is because those women realized I am ready to be a dad.
On 03/31/08 at 8:38 am
Trista said:
It’s funny…for me it isn’t about seeing that you are ready to be a dad…it’s about seeing that you are a decent human being. Because most guys I know who refuse to date single moms are also pretty damn selfish. So I see it as an early warning system. I am grateful for it, really.
On 03/31/08 at 8:52 am
Hater Numero Uno said:
Anyone can ACT, like a decent human being. It’s not all that hard. I never said I refuse to date single moms either. For what ever reason, I’ve had bad experiences. But I have no prblem with being selfish. I was raised to believe in the “village” mentality. My uncles and aunts were always around when we lived back East. I called my parents by their first names until my Grandmother died.
On 03/31/08 at 10:31 am
Trista said:
I wasn’t referring to you personally. I think you have just had a couple of bad experiences with a couple of less than stellar mamas.
I could soooooo win you over. Plus my kids are totally into Star Wars.