You say you want an evolution?

Welcome to “He said, She said,” where we take a common question or topic and see if members of the opposite sex can get on the same page, or if they’ll have to agree to disagree. Today’s topic:

What keeps things romantic in your long term romance?

He Said:

It’s been awhile since I put any thought into what kind of underwear I was wearing. To me, that’s basically the difference between a beginning and a lengthy relationship. Well, just like your most faithful pair of jockeys, any relationship will tend to lose elasticity after awhile. If you’re interested in making it work rather than taking another trip to the Department Store, you have to rekindle the comfort you felt at first fit.

There are all kinds of fancy toys and big worded books to help a couple snap out of the old mundane routine of we’ve done this before. I don’t care about any one of them because what I care about is helping people avoid this pain in the ass situation in the first place. So, if you think you just might be teetering upon a serious relationship, here’s two tips to help you transition.

Ladies, the fastest way for you to shrink a set of testes is to become his mother. We like the pampering, cooking, and cleaning, but we don’t want to do our homework or our chores right away. We need at least e a day’s warning before you’re going to tell us to paint the garage next week. The timetable that you set for getting anything done is ridiculous and unreasonable, just like Mom used to do to us. This triggers our natural Male instinct of “Why should I paint the garage if I’m just going to get into trouble anyway?” Followed by “I wonder what’s on ESPN” and we all know this, of course, is akin to assassinating Archduke Franz Ferdinand in your book.

Men, the easiest thing that you can do to protect yourself from ending up the victim of an impromptu high heel shoe attack, is to buy some insurance. No, they don’t sell psycho-bitch insurance, but most of them dish out a free wallet-sized calendar once you sign up. Take that little calendar and mark off your girlfriend’s birthday and your anniversary, as well as a few other holidays such as Christmas, St. Valentine’s Day, Independence Day, Mother’s Day, and of course, the completely bullshit Sweetest Day. Anytime one of these days rolls around, do something nice for her. Maybe buy her some flowers, or give her some head. I prefer the latter, and believe me, so does your girlfriend.

This advice might help you reach the next level of a fantastic relationship, or it may be just as bullshit as Sweetest Day. After all, what do I know? I don’t even wear underwear.

She Said:

Okay, before I begin with the ‘She Said’ portion of today’s blog I must touch upon one thing. I don’t want to get my girl card revoked or anything, but what the hell is “Sweetest Day?!” You just made that up…right? Sorry, I’ll get on with it…

So…romance. In a long term relationship. Isn’t that an urban legend?

I kid. Well, sort of. But there is no denying that maintaining a sense of romance on a long term basis is a challenge. A challenge mostly because it is going to require a bit of work on your part, be you of the male or female persuasion.

There is, however is but one simple thing which could change your relationships forever. Are you ready for it?

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR PARTNER.

Uh huh. I hear you saying, “well duh, Trista!” right now but think about it. Relationships evolve, people evolve, but if you continue to stay in tune with your partner, to make them feel like you actually know them and value them, the romance will stay strong.

Now what constitutes proper attention is going to vary from person to person. For some men, paying them enough attention will be equated with making sure their favorite beer is purchased during the weekly grocery trip. Making sure you don’t forget to pet their penis (with your tongue) on a regular basis. You know, stuff like that.

And for the ladies? Well, it might be as simple as asking her about her day when you know she had a particularly grueling one and then actually feigning interest when she gives her answer. It might be remembering that Wednesday is trash day without a reminder nag from her. It might be acknowledging that oral sex goes both ways.

I am single at the moment, so I do not claim to be an expert. But! I can tell you this much. There came a time in every one of my failed relationships when my attention and/or their attention waned. If the guilty party had not forgotten to stay tuned in, perhaps things wouldn’t have gone south. I can’t say for sure, but I can say this: people don’t tend to stay where they don’t feel wanted.

Look, if you came to this looking for “10 ways to revamp your romance!” tips, so sorry to disappoint. I am sure you can find the kama sutra handbook on another website. Me? I’d just rather come home to trash cans at the curb, my toilet seat flipped down and piss free and Chinese takeout on the table. THAT is sexy, my friends.

And I promise to wear good underwear for what’s going to go down (ehm) after we finish our Kung Pao.

Our male guest writer P.J. is busy writing, drinking and living life in Chicago. But lucky for you when he cannot be found here at Eve he can sometimes be found here.

Now kids…share time. What do you know of long term romance? Share your tips…and horror stories. Do it! Do it Now!